a man walks into a bar he is promtly escorted out due to the fact that he wanted to kill the bars owner. The man got life in prison with no chance of parole. This mans name was Michael Myers.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

what did Santa say to the 3 hookers? Merry Christmas!

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Knock Knock. Who's there. To. To who. To whom.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

what the difference between matthew and a retard? The retard can do math

thumb_up thumb_down +14

How many licks does it take to got to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop? 357

thumb_up thumb_down +14

"My foot is killing me" "no, actually it's that noose around your neck"

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What killed the cat? Feline Leukemia

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What do 10 dead babies in a blender sound like? Idk because I was too busy masturbating

thumb_up thumb_down +14

whats worse than stubbing your toe? getting a vanarial disease and going insane

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What did the black kid call the white kid? His name...

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What did the blind man do in the dark room? Nothing, he couldn't see.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Three people are stranded on an island. They are captured by a tribe of cannibal natives. The natives say " find 10 fruits of the same kind and bring them back" The first guy comes back with apples The natives say " shove them up your buttox without showing any sign of emotion" The firs guy gets to the second apple and then woos in pain the natives kill him The second guy comes back with blue berries he gets to the ninth berry and laughs. The natives kill him. The two guys are in heaven. The fist guy says " you could've survived why did you laugh?" the second guy replies," I saw the third guy coming back with pineapples"

thumb_up thumb_down +14

It is the conjoining of the two possible outcomes of the interstellar and post modern possibilities of the pasta pudding god's niece's favorite colour after she falls off her bike whilst riding down a yellow slide after her twenty-seventh birthday when the two suns form a triangle in the night sky over the delta. Yes indeed that was good pudding.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Knock knock. Who's there? Open the fucking door. Open it! This is a fucking robbery. This is not a fucking joke. Get down on the ground. Shut that baby up. Shut that fucking baby up! Now! Get on the fucking ground or I swear to Christ I will fucking end your life. Tell the kids to go to their room. Do it. Do it, you fucking bitch! Where's the fucking jewelry? You got any money stashed anywhere? Come on, I know it's here. Keys? Your husband got any guns? Give me everything valuable or I swear to god, I will fucking murder you in front of your son. The woman was brutally raped for hours.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

How many Mexicans does it take to change a lightbulb 500 , 1 to hold the lightbulb, 499 to spin the house

thumb_up thumb_down +14

what's worse than finding a fat couple in a buffet?

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What is Freddie Mercury's favorite planet? Earth.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

milk,eggs,butter,deodorant,chocolate syrup,chile powder,dildo,bacon

thumb_up thumb_down +12

whats worst than the holocaust? the holocaust times 2

thumb_up thumb_down +12

How do you get straight A's? Try really hard throughout the school year and when it comes to the exams study enough to ensure you understand all the material, but so so much as to compromise your sleeping pattern, and in turn, your performance on the day.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

womens rights to vote

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What other than water contains H2O? The condensation reaction between two alpha glucose molecules to form Maltose.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

a rabbi,a priest and minister didn't walk into a bar. Bars are for fun and fun is for not completely insane brainwashed people.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Roses are red. Violets are blue. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father, prepare to die.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops