Why'd the aborted fetus cross the road? 9/11

thumb_up thumb_down +13

Two trains, each having a speed of 30km/h, are headed at each other on the same straight track. A bird that can fly 60km/h flies off the front of one train when they are 60km apart and heads directly for the other train. After reaching the other train, the bird flies directly back to the first train, and so forth. What is the total distance the bird travels before the train collide? Who cares about the bird if two trains are going to collide? You need to call this in immediately.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

roses are red, violets are red, my garden is on fire

thumb_up thumb_down +11

Knock knock Whose there? Interrupting doctor Interr-- You have cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

How do you wake up Lady Gaga? Simple poke her face.

thumb_up thumb_down +11

What do you call a really dumb girl with downs? Ashley Howard

thumb_up thumb_down +9

A man walks into a bar. We see him as he approaches the register wearing a dark hoody. The surveillance camera seen here catches a glimpse of the man's face appearing to be a white male with mustache and beard. As you can see the man opens the register and takes the money before the bartender can get to him. If you have any information about this crime please call crime stoppers at 1-800-GET-HELP. In other news, the DOW JONES reached a record high today as investors in China begin working on keeping the economy from plundering.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

There is a knock on the door. Little Jimmy comes dowstairs opens the door and standing in the door way is the axe wielding manic fromTexas Chainsaw.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What is Beethoven's favorite fruit? While Beethoven enjoyed many different varieties of fruit, he found strawberries the most appealing.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What do you call a watermelon in Africa? A watermelon.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What did the skeleton say to the man? Nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Women Voting

thumb_up thumb_down +9

nick biggs ate a car well his name is nick BIGGS

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Why did the chicken cross the road? It had the utmost desire to.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

where do you get virgin wool from? ugly sheep.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

whats the difference between a rapist and a pedophile? the racist has his own whistle

thumb_up thumb_down +7

A) why did the black guy leave the bar B) cause he was tired and wanted to go home

thumb_up thumb_down +7

How do you stop a clown from laughing? Hit him in the face with an ax.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

why did the cookie go to the docter he felt crumpie

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Your mother is so fat, that the doctor said, "Go on a diet or you will get a Cardiac Infarction."

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What does Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na equal? A lot of sodium

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What's green and has wheels? Green cars.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

How do you get a clown to stop smiling? Hit him with an ax

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Q: What's the difference between a basket of tennis balls and a basket of dead baby heads? A: One is used for the sport of tennis the other is a basket of tennis balls!

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops