When was Timothy born? He wasn't.

thumb_up thumb_down +37

What do you call a one eyed hippo? A do-you-think-he-potamus

thumb_up thumb_down +37

A termite walks into the pub and says "Is the bar tender here?"

thumb_up thumb_down +37

How many jews can you fit in a car? That depends on the volume of the car and the size of the people involved - different cars are of different sizes and can fit a different number of people. For instance, you could probably fit more than 20 midget jews in a van but you could probably not fit as many overweight jews in a coupé. However if you put some effort into getting as many standard sized people, in this case jews for reasons unknown, into a standard size sedan you should be able to fit about seven or eight in the car itself and one in the trunk, making a total of nine or ten.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

A man is driving home from work. he realizes he left his suitcase back at the office. he turns around and drives back to the office. he walks in the office and grabs his suitcase, and as he's walking out he's stopped by his boss. his boss simply asks "what are you doing in the office at this time, Eric?" the man replies to his boss " sorry sir i was just grabbing my suitcase as i forgot to bring it as i was leaving work" his boss lets him pass " okay Eric, have a good night" the man get back in his car and drives home. but on his way home a pedestrian runs in front of the road. the man runs him over unintentionly. the man is jailed with manslaughter for 4 and a half years

thumb_up thumb_down +35

One time I went into a haunted house. It was just pretend ghosts but then I saw a real ghost there. It was scary.

thumb_up thumb_down +35

What is so sad about 5 black people going over a cliff in a Cadaliac? That was my Cadaliac

thumb_up thumb_down +33

How is the difference between a door? Its a chicken, because they don't have wheels.

thumb_up thumb_down +33

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it noticed that there may be foodstuffs on other side.

thumb_up thumb_down +31

What comes to mind when you say the word "Mind?" Your Mind

thumb_up thumb_down +31

So there is 10 Nazis and a monkey the rest doesn't matter but i farted...

thumb_up thumb_down +31

Do you know karate, shorty? Or are those bruises from an abusive father?

thumb_up thumb_down +29

What did one baby say to the other? Nothing, they were both killed in a building collapse.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Did you hear about the black guy who went to college? I did too, he worked hard for four years, partied in moderation, but graduated with a degree in chemical engineering and became very successful in the business world in order to support his wife and two children.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Whats black and white and red all over? A penguin in a blender

thumb_up thumb_down +29

While on a business trip, a Jim got a call on his cell phone. It was his best friend. He was informing Jim of his wife's death in a terrible train crash. She didn't die on impact, but her legs were cut off by metal debris from the train car in front of her. She fought against the pain and used a shirt she found from a dead body to stop the bleeding. She managed to drag herself to the nearest road crossing, where someone drove her to the hospital. Despite her efforts to survive and the surgeons efforts to save her, she died that night as a result of excessive blood loss. After he hung up, Jim turned up the ringer volume on his phone because he couldn't hear it very well when it rang.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Knock Knock. Who's there? UPS.

thumb_up thumb_down +29

Roses are red Violets r blue My name is Dave Microwave

thumb_up thumb_down +27

what do you call a slave with a dream of being free? whatever his name happens to be

thumb_up thumb_down +27

How do you have sex with an amputee? stick it in the eyes

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Why did Hellen Keller get hit by a car? She didn't see it coming. (TD)

thumb_up thumb_down +27

What did the homeless man get for Christmas? Nothing..

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Did you hear about the black guy who got into college? Actually, there are nearly 10,00 African Americans who get accepted into college every year. This specific black male is notable because of his stellar grades and his activity in his community.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

This is my rifle, this is my gun, one is for shooting, the other is decorative.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops