What did Abe Lincoln say before he gave the Gettysburg Address? No one knows, its not documented.

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A small child and a pedophile are walking hand-in-hand through the dark, creaky woods. "Mister," says the small child, " I'm scared." "YOU'RE scared?" says the pedophile. "I'M the one who's gonna have to walk back alone!"

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Who taught Chuck Norris? -Chuck Norris

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You play the piano? What more can you do? Sounds complicated but try me.

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Your mum is dead

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what happens when you mix a black guy and a Mexican? nothing, it is physically impossible to "mix" people.

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What do you call a dead blonde in a closet? A rape victim.

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Q: Why did the boy cross the road? A: Because he was being chased by a pedophile.

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Q: Why happened to the dead whale? A: It was shot by Asian pochures.

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What did the bird say to the squirrel? Chirp

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Two penguins are sitting in a bathtub. That would never happen because penguins would not be anywhere near a bath-tub at any point in their lives, I would be more concerned wondering why a penguin is in the US and calling animal control than making up a joke about it.

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What did the kettle say to the pot? Nothing, inanimate objects can't talk.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was hit by a large refrigerator Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? The two of them were stapled together Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Peer pressure

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How do you beat someone in a video game? You win it.

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Why do horses read books? We are all doomed...

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two muffins are in an oven. 30 min. later i ate a delicious treat.

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What did the blue man say to the purple lady? Do you want to make purple.

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Why did Chuck Norris go to Chuck E Cheeses? Because his friend wanted to go.

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Why did the 40 year old man quickly close his web page when his wife called his name? Because he had to leave.

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what does a nazi and the witch from hansel and gretal have in common, they both put people in ovens.

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What's the difference between Paris Hilton and a cow? Cows are ruminants, meaning that they have a digestive system that allows use of otherwise indigestible foods by regurgitating and rechewing them as "cud". Paris Hilton, on the other hand, is a human being. Therefore, her stomach digests the bolus (masticated food) only after it has exited the oesophagus into the body of the organ, where it is digested into chyme and then passed through the pyloric sphincter into the duodenum.

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What's black and hangs from my tree? A black man. I am a racist.

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A plane crashed in the rainforest. The survivors all buried themselves because no survival equipment were left and they all sought to kill themselves in their deep state of shock and fear.

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What iz stupid? Hibiyav

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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