What do you call a female duck? A duck.

Why dont dinosaurs speak english? Because a meteor hit the earth and ran them into extinction

What do you call a giraffe driving a car? A danger to society.

How many Aodhan's does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Aodhan's da has already screwed all the lightbulbs...

So a man dipped his balls in sloppy joe sauce.

Why did the plumber kill his family? He wasn't a very good plumber.

N e one else find the girl in the cellar from the new evil dead creepy ? Like shes some real demon being used by the movie industry to scare people? (serious qestion)

What's silver and bad for your teeth? A wrench

Superman: Batman, can you drive? Batman: No, but I can drive the batmobile.

If I crash my car, how many trees does it take to cover my yard in orange juice, yellow, because a cat pissed on my foot.

Two muffins are sitting next to each other in the dessert. A hungry and lost man passes by and considered eating one of the muffins. Unfortunately he can't make a decision in time and took of in his 4-wheel drive. The next day a camel walks by and eats one of the muffins. The camel dies instantly, apparently the muffin the camel ate was poisoned. The now not so hungry and lost man looks at the dead camel and noticed the zoo is almost closing now. So he left in a hurry, to cook for his family.

What's worse than a bee sting? The Holocaust. What's worse than the Holocaust? Three bee stings.

What do you call a lettuce named Andrew? Andrew.

What happens when you put a bunch of Republicans in a room together? They form a caucus.

Why was the hamster not on his wheel? Because he had a stroke.

Roses are red, Violets are blue. Some poems don't rhyme, This one doesn't.

What is brown and sticky?

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.

Why didn't the black man finish high school? He overdosed on heroin.

God lets 3 people from hell come into heaven every year on chisrtmas based on how bad their last day on earth was. Its chistmas and god is standing a the gate of heaven and the first person comes up and god says, "Tell me what happend to you on your last day on earth" and the man says, " i thought my wife was cheating on me so i went to my apartment to check on her and i saw a man on the deck so pushed him off but i didnt know it was my brother. he caught onto the railing so i smashed his fingers with a sledge hammer and he fell 200 ft. Sadly he landed on a bush and survived and so i took the refridguator and through it on him but right after i did i had a heart atack" Then god lets him in to heaven. Then he has the next person come up and god asks him the same question. the man replies, " i was at my brotheres house when some crazy guy pushes me off the my brothers deck but luckily my fingers get caught onthe railing, Then the crazy guy takes a hammer and hits my fingers and i fall but land on a bush. Then the man throughs a refridguator and i get killed." God chuckles and lets him into heaven. The next person comes up and says," picture this, naked in a refridguator." excpaination: the man in tthe refriduator was cheating with the 1st mans wife.

Whats the difference between a jew and a boy scout boy scouts come back from camp

You're so gay you actively seek homosexuals relationships.

What's worse than dropping your phone in the toilet? Drinking only milk and honey for 7 days and then getting diarrhea while lying chained up completely naked with red fire ants going up your anus and all over your body while you get eaten alive in slow painfully miserable death

What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead black guy in the road? It doesn't matter, I cried after both

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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