how do you make a blonde laugh on friday tell her shes a blonde on monday

thumb_up thumb_down +16

I walked in on my daughter masturbating. The whole ordeal was very uncomfortable, but I sat her down at the dining table to discreetly explain the necessity of locking doors.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

sweaty black guy

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Black people

thumb_up thumb_down +16

A black man is packing heat while driving his car. He is a police officer

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why is 6 afraid of 7? Six hasn't been the same since he left Vietnam. Every time he closes his eyes, he's sees Charlie hiding in the darkness of the forest. Not that you could ever see those bastards, mind you. They were fast and they knew their way around the jungle. He remembers the looks on the boy's faces when they walked into that village and... oh Jesus. He shouldn't think about that now. Sometimes he still hears Tex's slow southern drawl. He remembers the smell of Brooklyn's cigarettes. He always had a pack of Luckys. But the boys are gone now... he knows that. It's--it's just that he forgets sometimes. And sometimes the way that seven looks at him... it makes him think. Sets him on edge. And he feels like he's back there... In the jungle... In the darkness. Seven has a hook for a hand as well, which is very scary.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Knock knock Come in!

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What does a ghost get when he watches pornography? A boner

thumb_up thumb_down +16

How do you make a panda toot? You punch it in the stomach.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

what did the man with no legs get for Christmas? A piano

thumb_up thumb_down +16

I pissed myself the other day in Harrods when I saw a Somalian boy run up to a curtain saying mummy.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

A man yells at the top of the Grand Canyon, "Heyoooooo" He hears His voice echo multiple times. He yells again, "Heyoooooo" This time he hears his echo and a girl yell "heyo" back to him from within the canyon. He looks down. He falls. A mountain goat breaks his fall. The man is so thankful for the goat. He says, " Thank you goat! You saved my life!" The goat then pulls out a gun, and shoots him thrice. The man dies.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

I scream. You scream. We all scream.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Why doesn't Santa come in the summer? Because it's not Christmas.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

If I have 10 apples and you have 45 oranges how many plates can we fit on the roof? Purple because monkeys don’t fly

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What do you call a bus full of lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A tragedy

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What is the same about a plum and an elephant? They're both grey except the plum

thumb_up thumb_down +12

How did the ruttabaga believe itself to be a ruttabaga? Because it was in fact NOT a ruttabaga, but some self-aware individual with delusions.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Windows Vista

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Giving birth to the antichrist

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What do you call two homosexuals in fancy hats? It depends, you have to ask their names first.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Yo mama is so fat that you are constantly ridiculed by the local kids and constantly hope that the obesity isn't hereditary.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Knock knock Violets are blue Helen Keller The Holocaust.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What do I smell like to you?? Crap.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops