A man walks into a pole and says "I know, this pun is lame"

thumb_up thumb_down +9

What has ears, but can't hear, eyes, but can't see, a mouth, but can't talk, and legs, but can't walk? A deaf and blind paraplegic with an improperly functioning larynx.

thumb_up thumb_down +9

An American man and a Chinese man have a conversation. The American man asks the Chinese man after a couple of minutes of speaking, "How long have you lived in the United States?" The Chinese man replies, "I moved to the United States when I was ten years old."

thumb_up thumb_down +9

Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Whats funnier than a guy in a wheelchair? A guy on the floor squirming to get back in his wheelchair.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What did the dog say to the mailman? Woof.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Wayne Rooney's face and intelligence.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

i just cant stand up to cripple jokes

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What did Jesus say to the jews? Fuck you.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

A blind man walked into a bar. Quite literally.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

what's the difference between a pound of liver and vomit? £3.24

thumb_up thumb_down +7

You are so dumb that you receive poor grades in school.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why did the middle-aged lady have a heart attack? Years of heavy smoking, alcohol abuse and lack of exercise had taken its toll on her body, causing it to age prematurely. @JWest

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why was the little boy sad? Both of his parents died in a tragic car accident.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What did the man say to the other man. Hi

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What did the man do with the naked baby girl? He put some clothes on her and proceded to lay her down for a nap.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

How many dyslexic people does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Filing cabinet.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

'How do you make a plumber cry? Buy him a belt for Christmas.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Roses are red. Violets are blue. I'm a fish out of water. Help me I'm suffocating.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A man walk's into a bar with a monkey, I fotgot the rest of the joke. Your mom is a whore.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

What's black and at the top of a burning building? A paraplegic

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Why did Michael Jackson get so many nose jobs? He was incredibly insecure.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

what did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? wheres my tractor

thumb_up thumb_down +3

A man walked into a bar. He sat down, had a nice meal and went home relatively satisfied.

thumb_up thumb_down +3

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops