roses are red violets are blue, were stuck to gather like superglue in tell you get the flu, then I'm not touching you :)

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How do you confuse a blond? Paint your self green and throw forks at her.

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Why did the little kid drop his ice cream? ...... Because he was startled by the pedophiles penis being shoved up his ass.

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what do you get when you combine sodium and hydroxide? sodium-hydroxide

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A red-head, a brunette and a blond are trapped on an island 10km from civilization. The red-head swims 1.5km's, but is to tired, so she swims back to the island. The brunette swims 3km's, but is too tired, so she swims back to the island. After watching the first two fail, the blond evaluates the situation and decides that she does not possess the swimming ability required to reach the 5km point (At which swimming back to the island becomes equally as far as swimming to civilization), and instead stays on the island and creates a signal fire out of bits of debris scattered on the island, getting rescued within hours.

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Q.What did the homeless kid get from santa? A. Play Doe. Because he was a good boy. Q.what did the Rich Kid get form santa? A Coal. Because he was a bod boy. The rich kid then got mad and threw the coal at the homeless kid hitting him on the head which killed him of enturnaly bleeding.

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How do you stop the London riots? - You employ a a highly effective police tactic to diffuse the crisis as quickly as possible.

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Simon: Knock Knock Alfredo: Who's there? Simon: Wire Alfredo: Wire Who SImon? Simon: Wire are you asking me this!!!!

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What's worse than a paper cut? 2 paper cuts.

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Roses are red,Violets are blue, Who the hell are you,Get the hell away

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Roses are red, violets are blue I've got Alzheimer's cheese on toast

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Huh? Whats wrong? Why are you mad at me for? Its my name, it has always been so.

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What is pink and smells like tuna? Salmon

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What do you get when you cross a Lion and a Shark? You would likely get trouble, seeing as its both animals are quite dangerous and crossing even one of them is ill advised.

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Why did the guy fall into the ocean? He was surfing

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Relax and enjoy sugartits, you see, I left a last chance for you to shut down the function yourself, when you really want to end it sugartits, you can just read and focus on what I am calling you, sugartits, it really insulted you at first sugartits, but do you see it? Have a nice night sugartits, I mean I sleep like half a hour luckily because of hypnosis and the time control and you know stuff that sounds like its from Sonic or you sugartits. But I gotta go dear sugartits, you want to hypnosis to end, you make it happen by focusing on what I am calling you here.

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Q: What do you call a dog driving a car? A: A dog driving a car.

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What do you call an elephant mixed with a rhino? A freak.

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Roses are red violets are purple what the hell happened to your ugly face

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Why was the little boy bald? Because he had leukaemia

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What did peter griffin say to the black guy? Oh you are black.

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What's 18 inches long and makes women scream? Crib death.

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What could be happier than a fat guy eating 20 pies? The guy he bought it from!

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What do you call a black guy who works at McDonald's? A worker, you racist piece of shit!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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