Why can't you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom? Because the p is silent!

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A baby seal walks into a club. It is eventually beaten to death and eaten.

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What do you call a fridge painted red and brown? A fridge.

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Cover myself in Vaseline and cry in the dark for 4, maybe 5 hours with or without a wooden splintery dildo in my arse..”

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Why should you never eat a jellyfish on a Wednesday? Because it will sting you with its poison.

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Three men walk into a bar they suffer permanent brain damage, and completely lose their basic cognitive abilities. They will never be able to speak to one another again.

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What's a pirate's favorite video game? Pirates lived in a time before such technology existed

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whats worse than finding a joke in a cracker? finding an anti joke in a cracker.

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I'm typing this one handed... ... Because I'm an amputee.

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Stephen Hawking walks into a bar.

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So I'm blowing this guy and he starts rubbing his finger through my hair... So I started thinking, what a fag.

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Knock Knock.

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Why was the woman angry with Santa Claus? Because he kicked her hands.

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whats the difference between marmalade and jam? you cant marmalade ur cock up a girls arse

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hi im bob i ate a Pickle sucked a boob and died of a haert atak

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What did George Washington say to his men before they got on a boat? Men, get on the boat

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So there is the standard english class with groups of different people. You got the nerds, lads, violent ones etc. Now the kids are doing a standard pop quiz. The nerd is next to the violent kid. The violent kid asks the teacher if he can go to the toilet. Everyone is nervous as it was based from last year's work which they haven't studied for. He then stabs the nerd in the neck multiple times and finishes his test.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because if he stayed on the farm, he would have been condemned to a miserable life, subjected to deplorable living conditions and an eventual pain-filled death by the hand of a cruel and heartless farmer. Crossing that road was his only chance of salvation.

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it looking for food for it was starving to death.

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Tommy was excited to get a tattoo of a falafel on his wiener. He got skin cancer.

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What do you say to the man break dancing?? You don't, call an ambulance he is having an epileptic fit.

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What's white and black and red all over A nun with a spear throug her head

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How do you tick off a Doctor? You cut off his right thumb.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops