A man was about to be assassinated. The assassin said "do you have any last wishes? The man said he wished that a meteor would fly down and kill the assassin. A meteor actually did come down but that was predicted years back. The meteor fell on the assassin and killed him, the man, and any living thing aboveground on Earth.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Jerry Rice is walking down the streets of San Francisco when all of a sudden he hears sirens coming from the next street down. He hurries down the road to see what's happening and sees a huge fire engulfing a 10 story building. And on the top floor, a lady is leaning out the window shouting to the firemen below. FIREMAN: Come on, lady, jump. We have the tarp here, we'll be able to catch you. LADY: No....I can't. My baby, my baby is up here. FIREMAN: Throw the baby down, we'll catch him. LADY: No, you'll miss. I can't leave my baby. Jerry sees this and steps forward. "Hey, I think I can help. Let me have the bullhorn." JERRY: Hey lady, I'm Jerry Rice, the wide receiver for the San Francisco 49er's. I'm the best wide receiver in the game, throw your baby down and I'll catch him, this is what I do for a living. Being a 49er fan herself, the lady recognizes Jerry and throws her baby down to him. Just as she throws it though, a huge gust of wind comes and takes the baby and starts to blow him off course. Jerry sees this and takes off after the baby. He hurdles the line closing off the area, fights through the crowd, dodges a couple of fire fighters, jumps over the car, and dives forward, just making a fingertip catch of the baby. The crowd around him goes wild and starts cheering his amazing catch. So Jerry jumps to his feet, raises his finger into the air, does a two step and then spikes the baby. If you have any dead baby jokes that are not here, I want to hear from you. Email me your dead baby jokes at skitzopathik@hotmail.com and I'll add them to this page.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

roses are red violets are blue sunflowers are yellow I bet you were expecting something romantic but this is just gardening facts

thumb_up thumb_down +28

I'm rubber and you're glue, neither one of us say anything because inanimate objects can't talk.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

I once duped this chick with a parrot. Crazy thing wouldn't shut up. The parrot was pretty cool

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Roses are red, Violets are blue, No, violets are VIOLET, That’s why they’re called “violets.” Edmund Spenser was an idiot.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

A man jumped off a 30 story building. What did he learn? Nothing. He died instatly when he hit the ground.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Q-What did the blonde say when I stomped on her toe? A: asdfsdflsdrfjkofweønaweøiofioawef, .Would you be ever so kind to move your foot as it is currently in a position of where it causes my nerves to send pain impulses to my brain. Thanks

thumb_up thumb_down +26

what did the cat say to the potato? meow

thumb_up thumb_down +22

A black man goes outside to shoot some hoops. He misses all of them because not all blacks are good at basketball.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Want to hear a joke? Too bad.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Two black guys walk into a bar the bartender says get out

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Roses are red Violets are blue Grass is green Skies are blue

thumb_up thumb_down +22

Why did the chicken cross the road? For a legitimate reason

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Three midgets walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer, the second one orders whiskey, and the third one ordered water because all three of them had agreed that he would be the designated driver that night.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Whats the worst thing about dying? Your not alive anymore.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Whats black and blue and red all over? An infant after its been beaten with a bat.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Why is Barney green and purple? Because the producers of the show decided to make him that way.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

My grandmother just called to tell me she was dying................. to have sex with me.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Roses are red Violets are blue You're parents are dead All your friends are too

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Q: whats the difference between a shoe and a ginger? A: shoes have soles.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

If a brick said "hi" what you reply with? Nothing. You can't reply to something that doesn't speak.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

whats better than a girl getting hit by a car? a girl getting hit by a car with my dick in her

thumb_up thumb_down +18

A brunette, redhead, and a blond were on a road trip when their car broke down in the middle of a desert. The red-head offered to walk down the road to get help, for none of them knew how to repair the car. She walked down the road in the direction they were headed, but never came back. The redhead and blond died several days later in the shade of the car as a result of extensive heat exhaustion.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops