how do you make Will Smith cry? cut off his toes and fingers.

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Before you insult a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you insult him, you'll be a mile away, and have his shoes.

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What do you call it when you almost win? You lose.

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Why was the man walking down the street late at night? Because he's homeless and has nowhere to stay.

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Why Cant michael J Fox draw a perfect circle? Because he is dying of Parkinson's disease.

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What happened to the man who went to a strip bar? What happens to all of us. He died.

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What is ET short for? Extra terrestrial

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how do you kill chuck norris? you dont, killing is illegal

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what do you call Tim Tebow on a bike with a clown hat on? Tim, Mr. Tebow whatever you want

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You know the drill, the world is not as black and white as it was before, just because we are not on the same side, does not make us enemies either. As for whatever is going on, I can assure you I had nothing to do with the fall of the first underground, and neither will I make sure whatever you scraped together, large or small falls either, I realize I should have thought this trough some more, but we had little time to act on this one.

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What did the blind man say to his teacher? Nothing, blind people can't talk.

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why did the man french kiss the horse? because he was high on l.s.d and confused the horse for an attractive male because he himself was homosexual ps vagina monkeys and chili

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Why did the serial killer need the knife? He needed to butter his bread

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Remember when Jesse Ziegenbein was skinny? yeah niether do I

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why did your mom die? Cuz i killed her

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your mamma so dumb she makes frankienstien look smart

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What do you call a griraffe and a duck who's favorite colors are both purple? A coincidence in which two unrelated species have the same preference in colorant hues.

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Getting raped by a giant scorpian. Whats worse than getting raped by a giant scorpian? Getting tortured to death. Whats worse than being tortured to death? Getting raped by a giant scorpian, and getting tortured to death. Whats worse than that? Getting raped by a giant scorpian, getting tortured to death, and finding a worm in your apple.

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a jewish duck trips over a series of metal corckswcrews and proceeds to die of ADHD the answer is 4

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What's more epic than a man in a gorilla suit? A man i a gorilla suit with a banana.

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A young couple just gave birth to their first child and the doctor says, I’ve good some good news and some bad news, what do you want first? Give us the bad news first, the parents reply. Your baby has red hair, says the doctor. Well whats the good news, ask the parents. It’s dead.

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why did the cookie go to the doctor? he had to get a physical to be eligible to try out for his school's football team. his mom drove him there but was very careful not to get his hopes up too high since his chances of actually making the team were slim to none based on the fact that he had no arms or legs but only succulent chocolate chips in every bite.

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What's red and checkered and tells you to turn your music down? Michael

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Your mums so tall, she's above the average height of women for her age.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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