Why shouldn't you try to pick up a live scorpion with your teeth? Because it could easily sting your face, or mouth.

why did the cow cross the road because pigs were not flying i had to write it hurts

Q. Why did the man get an email? A. Because he checked his inbox.

Why did the magician die when he tried to escape from the handcuffs underwater? Because he drowned and failed his magic trick.

what looks, smells, and sounds like red paint? blue paint, I lied about it being red

Roses are yellow, Violets are purple, im not color blind you just cant read.

How many blacks does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One, unless he's short. Then, he'll need a friend to hold the ladder for him.

Why can't hank swim? Hank is a rock.

I can't stand being in a wheelchair.

how do you make a cat get out of a tree you shot it

One day 2 people were gonna fight after school and the final bell wrung then they started the mtch and the challenger says, "Hey whats the one thing that you say when you don't want to fight and ypu let the other person win?" The other guy says, "I give up?" Then the challenger says, " I WIN!!!"

I don't have a girlfriend but I do know a girl who would get really mad if she heard me say that.

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because, it realized that it was worth something in life, it had a meaning, a purpose, and a right to freedom, to go where it pleased. The chicken's first act of this freedom was to go across the street.

A guy walks into a doctor's office and says: "Doctor! Doctor! You gotta help me! One day I'm a teepee, and the next day I'm a wigwam, and then the next day I'm a teepee, and then the next day I'm a wigwam again. The doctor says: Sir, we've been over this 100 times! You have stage 4 pancreatic cancer...

If your mom is a teacher and your dad is a gynecologist, how many pancakes does it take to stack on top of a dog house roof? 12. Because footballs don't have feathers.

What do you call a man with no arms and legs laying at your doorstep? Matt.

Dear Six, Please stop spreading rumors about me and nine. I hear you two also do some pretty nasty things. Love, Seven.

Why did Hitler commit suicide? Because he was completely depressed and overwhelmed because of the fact that he had lost World War II.

Why did the washing machine laugh? Because it took the piss out of the knickers!!!!! :)

My closet is like the wardrobe to Narnia, accept my closet isnt a portal into a magical world.

What did the toy cowboy say to the man? Nothing, toys can't talk.

What do you get when you cross an ugly hobo and a diabetic? Don't talk about your mom like that.

how many dicks can you fit into mia khalifa's ass

Why did the kitten cross the road? Because its owners abandoned it.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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