Did you hear about Phil in accounting? No? Well he was trying to make a new type of car. He took the seats from a ford engine from a dodge, and the frame from a toyota. Do you know what he got? 5 years in jail.

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What did hitler say to the jacket potato? Your fucked now!

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What was wrong with the man watching a black and white television program? He wasn't watching a black and white television program at all-he actually had color blindness.

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Why was the girl-scout crying? I hit her in the knee with a baseball bat.

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A man walks into a bar. Oh, wait, no. It was a horse. So... A man walks into a horse

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Why did the jew save his money? Because his wife has cancer and the radiation treatments are very expensive.

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Why did the family sue disney? Because at a meet and greet location mickey mouse shot their youngest in the heart.

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What is big white and will kill you if it falls out of a tree in winter A refrigerator

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If David has 40 chocolate bars and eats 35 what does David have now? Diabetes, David has diabetes.

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Why were the parents sad? Because their son had a frog stapled to his face and was trying to eat his ice cream on a swing, but he had no arms so he dropped his ice cream into the street and he chased after his ice cream and got hit by a bus

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What red, white, and blue? A white person who was raped by a clown.

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So, what happens when Germany attacks France? France proceeds to slaughter the attackers mercilessly, as it was during the Feudal Ages, a time when France was Europe's superpower.

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What did the penguin do in the desert? Die.

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The only positive thing in my life, is the HIV test! Lymmel

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What is black white and red all over? A zebra which a lion did not finish eating.

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Why didn't the woman have a penis? Because she was female.

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A shoemaker walks into a bar holding a shoebox with only one shoe inside. The bartender gives him a drink and asks "Say mister, why are you carrying that shoebox with one shoe?" The shoemaker says "Well sir, it's a long story." The bartender says "Okay, give me the short version." The shoemaker says "Okay, long story short, I'm not really a shoemaker." The bartender asks "Well buddy, what are ya?" The shoemaker gets up from his chair and says "I'm a guy missing shoe."

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How many alcoholics does it take to change a light bulb? Look. I just enjoy a few drinks every now and then. I mean, I can quit whenever I want to. That's no reason to start people calling names.. Wait, no. That's not.. Look. How much do you drink every day, huh? Why not ask that? And why do I have to be the one changing your stupid light bulb? If it's sooooo important that the light bulb be changed, do it yourself, you lazy bastard. Don't rely on other people to do your work for you.

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What came first, the chicken or the egg? The chicken. The chicken always comes first, that's why the egg never comes at all.

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What's the difference between a tree and a lamp? One is a tree, one is a lamp.

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Andoni was here

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A man takes his girlfriend ice skating on a lake. As they are ice skating she says "we should go back home and fu..." At this point they fall through a thin spot on the ice and they both drown in the lake. Fish ate their dead bodies

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what do you call an animal thats black and white and red all over? an elephant

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What's wet and pink? Bubblegum!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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