Why did the kid drop his football? He had a heart attack

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A plane carrying an Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman is destined to crash unless some weight is lost. First they drop the spare engine, but there is still too much weight. Then they drop the luggage, but still there is too much weight. All three men then jump out. The plane crashes anyway.

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This is on of those few moments where my guts and attitude leave me feeling as if the entire world is against me... ...Then I cant help but to smirk and think... The world against me? Finally a worthy challenge... Such a great day... Nero because fuck morals: Friends and not so friends do not call me Black Metal because I listen to power rock, my mother high on drugs attacked my wife claiming she was Satan, I killed my angel dust empowered mother, felt as if the world was against me... ...Such a great day... "I killed my father too but you dont hear me whining about it!" And of course... ...Rest in pieces oh "dear" mother", at least you did one good thing, you gave birth to your undertaker, while I killed you to end my lifelong misery, My only regret is ending yours... Now I request you all think I am a monster and pretend we live in a world where all parents are nice and good... You already deluded yourself? Perhaps you should thumb me up instead then.

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A man is at the dentists. The dentists says, "Oh my, your teeth are terrible!" The man says, "Yes I know. I am addicted to Meth".

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What happened when the Hispanic man dropped his Wollet? He picked it up

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How many dead guys does it take to build a shed? None. The contractor did it for 40 dollars an hour using maple wood.

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Why the FFUUU did you go back? Because I broke something huur.

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what is green and has wheels grass i lied about the wheels

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What did the big Chimney say to the little Chimney? Nothing they are chimneys ....

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Yo mamma's so stupid she failed the SAT.

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What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other? Whatever her name is.

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whats black, then white, then dead all over? Michael jackson

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Why was the girl unhappy with her male teacher? Because he gave her a bad grade...and raped her the night before.

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Why did the pregnant Mexican cross the border? Nobody knows. She was shot down on site.

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What did the little boy want to be when he grew up? A cone

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Why do so many people enjoy these jokes. They are funny

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Q Why did the feminist cross the road? A To suck my dick

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What did the lactose intolerant boy say when he accidentally drank some milk? Nothing, he went into anaphylactic shock and couldn't breathe.

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how do you get a dog to stop barking? you hit it with a stick.

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Q: What did the crippled deaf kid get for Christmas? A: A motorised wheelchair and a cochlear implant. Good for him.

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How do you stop R Kelly from peeing on little girls? Kill all little girls.

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Whats tha difference between blacktop and an airplane wing??? Well, alot. I bet you knew that.

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Why did the woman have an abortion? Because she was raped at the age of 17.

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What's the difference between a trampoline and a cat? I take mu cleats off when I jump on a trampoline.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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