A boy walks into a bar. He wakes up in a hospital 3 days later with a bruise on his head. He asks the doctor, "What happened?" The doctor replies, "The bartender smashed a glass on your forehead."

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why did the kid drop his ice cream? Because he got hit by the ice cream van

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Everyone text/call Mrs. Butt Hemingworth for a free pint of her delicious marmalade! Serious inquirers only. 832 704 1331

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Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff. They all broke beyond repair.

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Why couldn't the ten-year-old get into the pirate movie? Because it was rated PG-13

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what is the difference between a bucket of shit and a black person? the bucket the bucket

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What's a black man that drives a bus? A bus-driver

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What's worse than a baby on a mattress? A baby under a mattress.

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Why couldn't little Jimmy play catch with his dad? Because he was an orphan.

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Q:Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? A:Because it wa dead!!!!!!

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First speaker: "why are there so many anti-jokes about something walking into a bar!?!? Second speaker: "there are only a couple thousand of them." First speaker: "it is getting so damn annoying!" Second speaker: "Well, that's too bad for you" The first speaker proceeds in stabbing himself with a knife while laughing hysterecly. First speaker: "ha ha ha ha" Second speaker "emo."

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if you write treehouse backwards it spells gullible.

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What did the fork say to the spoon? I have tongs and you don't. Ha.

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Once there was a giant Pringle. His family was dead, his wife committed suicide. So one day he was walking to work, when he met a genie! The genie granted him three wishes. The Pringle's first wish was to have lots of money. His second wish was to have his wife back. Before he could complete his wishing, he awoke in a hospital where he was hooked up to life support and was in severe pain. His wife wasn't really dead, but he was out drinking and accidentally walked across a motorway and got hit by a huge lorry.

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I EAT YOUR SOUL. NOM NOM.

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I told my doctor I’m the first man on the face of the earth to suffer from morning sickness. He promptly corrected my mistake; my excessive vomiting is actually caused by chemo.

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So my friend told me to go shot myself I got my Canon and shoot myself The image came out very clean and profession.

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Q: What did the Catholic man say in response to the gay man asking what he likes to do? A: golf

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Tulips are white and Pansies are pink.

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Why didn't the policeman stop the bank robbery? He wasn't there

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How do you name a beast who eat rocks and fly. rock-eater flying beast

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What do you call a concentration camp with a mental disability? Auschwistic.

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A black man and a white man crash their cars. they promptly exchange insurance information and apologize to each other about the inconvenience.

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A horse walks into a bar and the barman asks: "why the long face?" The horse, being a horse and thus being incapable of comprehending the complexities of conversation said nothing, and shit all over the floor.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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