Why did Shrek eat the onions? Anyone who has seen the Shrek films would know that Shrek never mentions anything about eating onions. In the first movie, Shrek and donkey have a conversation in which he compares himself to an onion, but the scene lasts maybe a minute and never again does Shrek mention onions in any way, shape, or form. For whatever reason, this one scene has turned onions into the strongest signature icon associated with Shrek.

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Roses are black, Violets are black, I'm blind.

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Whats worse than a dumpster full of dead babies? A landfill full of dead babies.

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A women driver prepares to park in a small space between to cars on the side of a road. She safely and flawlessy parallel parks, and proceeds to enter a nearby coffe shop for an important business meeting.

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What's the difference between a tree and a lamp? One is a tree, one is a lamp.

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-Is your refrigerator running? -Yes. -Just wondering.

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A baby seal walks into a club.

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why did suzie fall off the swing? she had no arms why did suzie get hit by a bus? she was blind knock knock whos there? not suzie.

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What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer? dinner

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What did the Black man say to the prostitute? Your job makes the risks of getting AIDs and other STDs much higher than the average person's.

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7,7,7,7,7,7,7,7,7,7,7,7,7,8

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Why are Indians so bad at football? Curry

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Your momma is so ugly... Yeah, yeah, yeah my momma's ugly, but guess what, at least I'm not an orphan asshole.

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What do you call a duck who votes democrat? A duck

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Why did the girl fall off the swing? She had no arms. Why couldn't she get up? She had no legs. Why did noone help her up? She was fat.

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What do you get when you stab a six year old with a pair of scissors and a machete? A very angry, potentially murderous mother out for revenge.

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Justin Bieber

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Nock Nock Whose there? Your mom. Stop locking your door.

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Where do you find a dog with no legs? Right where you left it.

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When life gives you lemons, go sell them for crack.

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? She is a woman.

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What did the librarian say at the heavy metal concert? Shhhhh

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What's blue and can't read? The Pacific Ocean

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If a man shouts in a forest and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong? He could be. He could not be. The greater concern is that he's shouting alone in the forest. He's either in great danger or has a psychological disorder.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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