Q: How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if he tore his ACL last week trying out for wood chucking nationals? A: Woodchucks don't possess the ability to chuck wood, nor do they have ACLs.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What do elves get for Christmas? Overtime.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

What do you call a lot of Chinese people in a confined place? A Chinese urban center.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why did timmy fall off his bike? Someone threw a fridge at hm

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Neither, many scientists believe that the first living organisms on Earth were single-celled, prokaryotic bacteria.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Robert Palmer: Doctor Doctor give me the news! Doctor: You have contracted lung cancer and AIDS. You will die before Christmas.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What's blue and rhymes purple? Get Out

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What's worse than finding out your friend is gay? Being gang-raped.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why was the little boy bald? Because he had leukaemia

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What do a Jew and a whale have in common? They're both Jewish. Except the whale.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

If George Washington was the first president, and Barack Obama is the latest, how old is my grandma?

thumb_up thumb_down +5

chuck norris and superman had a bet. Chuck norris immediatley won because superman is a fictional character played by an actor. Chuck norris then decided to have a bet with the actor that played superman and lost

thumb_up thumb_down +5

"knock knock" "who's there" *no answer* Opens door to find dead wife lying on doorstep with 'lol' stamped on forehead

thumb_up thumb_down +5

How many dead babies can you fit in a bath tub? One second let me count them.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

How does a cancer patient bathe? He can't because he lives in an arid climate where water is scarce.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

your momma's so fat that she weighs a lot

thumb_up thumb_down +5

(Mortal Kombat Annihilation) Princess Kitana: "Mother, you're alive" Sindel: "Too bad you, will die" (Troll 2) "They're eating her. And then they're gonna me. Oh my gawwwwwwwwd." (The Room) Johnny: I did not hit her, it's not true! It's bullshitt! I did not hit her! [throws water bottle] Johnny: I did *not*. Oh hi, Mark. Mark: Oh, hey Johnny, what's up?

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Comedian: Do you all wanna hear a joke? Audience: Yeah!!! Comedian: Okay! What did the bad comedian say to the audience? Audience: What?!! Comedian: Chicken butt. Thank you, you've been a great crowd. Good night!

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Hurr durr, I shit my pants.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What is the difference between a pizza and a Jew?

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Bläeghen-Fassybìll-No?cheb!

thumb_up thumb_down +5

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why was six afraid of seven? Seven drove two planes into the world trade center.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What's bad about being a ghost with no arms or legs? You're dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops