In order to find a woman, you need time and money. Woman=Time&Money The longer you spend at work, the more money you get. Time=Money Money is the root of most problems in the world today. Money=Problems Therefore Women=Problems

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Q: What is the first thing you do if you wake up and meet the entire justice league(!!!) Which tells you that you are the "chosen one" and that only you can save the world once your true powers awaken? A: Increase your schizo medication.

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient ability. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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What's the difference between an elephant and a grape? They're both fruit. Except the elephant.

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Knock Knock Whos there Me Oh, come in

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How do you make an egg laugh? That is an irrational question eggs are inanimate object and are unable to laugh

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To run away from the slaughter house.

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Your moms so fat, she needed repruductive surgury.

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So a penguin walks into a bar. Penguin's have been affected by global warming so much that they decide to drink away as they near their final hours.

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Q:Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk are walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred dollar bill. Who gets it? A:The old drunk, of course; the other three are mythological creatures.

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Whats worse than a baby stapled to a tree? A tree stapled to a baby

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Why don't you ever want to greet your friend Jack on the plane? Because your wife cheated on you with him and she is having his baby, if you were to even think about talking to Jack, you'd end up slitting his throat and throwing him off the side of the plane into a crocodile pit where they will make a feast of his body for the next couple days... So just don't greet Jack

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Man :A homo-sexual panda walks into a gay bar.... Homosexual Panda : Wait...wait I'm gonna stop you right there. I will not take part in this odd joke, so just ummmmmm ya. And another thing, my species is extremely offended by your inferior remarks. Why can't homosexual pandas just have piece? Man 1: Were the hell did you come from? Homosexual Panda: My mother's uterus same as you, retard.

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Two muffins are sitting next to each other in the dessert. A hungry man passes, takes a look at the muffins lifts his shoulders and walks away. The next day a camel walks by and eats one of the muffins. The camel dies instantly, apparently the muffin was poisoned.

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Q: Why can't you give Elsa a balloon? A: Because she is a fictional character.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? grape. Grape who? Purple grape.

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What's black and white and red all over? A dead Zebra

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Q: What did the Mexican say to the other Mexican? A: To get to the other side.

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Why did the baby cross the road? It was stapled to the chicken.

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jasper walks into a bar, he sees an elephant and can't believe his eyes. he says "HORGWARSH!"

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How many asian children does it take for Gary Glitter to get aroused? Just one.

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i know the best knock knock joke! you start! other person: knock knock me: whos there ........

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My Japanese girlfriend dumped me today...Oh well, theres plenty more in the sea

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Why does austin bell like it up the butt? Cause he's a cat a kitty cat meow meow meow and meow meow meow

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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