How do you scare Sarah Palin? You chase her around with a chainsaw while wearing a Jason mask.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't, it got ran over.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

A man with Tourette's syndrome walks into a bar. Because of his disease, he shouts unexpected profanities across the room, and everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the humiliation anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom, pulls out a gun, and points it at his head. His wife walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and he notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to make. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. Shocked and afraid, he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentenced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man still suffers from Tourette's and cannot control his ticks and rots in jail. He continues to scream random obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

A man walks into a bar, He is a severe alcoholic and is slowly drowning himself in booze. The man exits the bar after several hours of heavy drinking and walks home. He enters his home to discover a man in bed with his wife. After the first ten seconds of paralyzing rage, he grabs a .44 Magnum and brutally murders his wife and her bed mate. The man realizes he has woken up his two month old, and after thinking of the horrible act he has committed, he promptly raises the pistol to his temple and pulls the trigger. Oh, I almost forgot, the man was schizophrenic and has never been married.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

A brunette, a blond and a red-head decide to go swimming in a lake. To prepare, they go shopping together to get some new bikinis. When they get to the shop they are pleased to find that the bikinis are on sale and they get them 50% off. They drive with their new swimwear to the lake and get changed in the changing room. When they get out they notice that it is quite cold. They decide to go swimming anyway. They notice that the lake is dirty. They decide to go swimming anyway. They notice the lake is actually a spill of oil. They decide to go swimming anyway. They remember that none of them can swim. They decide to go swimming anyway. They jump in. They drown.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Whats The difference between a soccer mom and a pit bull? One's a dog ones a human. 363\

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Women's rights

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What did the prizon cell mate get for christmas. Herpes!

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Why would Jesse Ziegenbein and Terran Hansen make a good couple? Because they both smell like shit and are fat as hell

thumb_up thumb_down -15

why did the blue berry cross the road

thumb_up thumb_down -15

what happened to the frog that had a car accident, nothing it's dead

thumb_up thumb_down -15

If you know someone with the last name Schmidt. ALWAYS ask him to take a Schmidt on your chest

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What did the sea say to the penguin? Nothing it just waved..

thumb_up thumb_down -15

You need to trim these evergreens. Either they are getting low our my van is GROWING!

thumb_up thumb_down -15

A blonde heard that 90% of all crimes occur within a one-mile radius of the home, so she had a security alarm installed.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

whats the difference between a black guy and pizza? a pizza can feed a family.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Adam Chebali is awesome

thumb_up thumb_down -15

My friends and family all recommended me for alcoholics anonymous, but all i had to say is that my father didn't raise me to be quitter.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Why was King Triton mad at Ariel? Her grades were under the C.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

A man is at the doctor's office and the doctor says to the man: "I'm sorry sir, you have AIDS and Alzheimer's disease." The man says: "Well, at least I don't have AIDS!"

thumb_up thumb_down -15

how many black guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?................ we dont know because u cant c them

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Q: Were yyoouu talking smack about me? A: what? Q: did i studder? A:yeah you said yyoouu Q: well were ya A: no Q: oh ok.. A: k bye..

thumb_up thumb_down -15

What's red and sweet and good to eat? A riddle that rhymes.

thumb_up thumb_down -15

Why do dinosaurs have no friends? Because they are all dead

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops