What did the drunk man say to his wife? "I love you, Honey"

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's a women.

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What's red and looks like a bucket? A red bucket. What's blue and looks like a bucket? A red bucket in disguise.

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What's better than winning gold in the special olympics? Not being retarded.

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Shltskc gw? G

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What is grey and transparent? An elephant in a zip-lock bag.

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Timmy needed to use the restroom in class, so he raised his hand and asked, "Can I go use the restroom?". The teacher said " I don't know, CAN you?" Timmy said, "When I was using "can" I was using its secondary model form as a verbal modifier asking for permission, as opposed to expressing an ability. I thought since you were a teacher you'd know that. My bad. MAY I use the restroom?"

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a black man walks into a shop, he buys his groceries, then leaves...

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What's green and eats nuts? Syphilis.

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Why do girls wear makeup and perfume? Because they are ugly and they stink.

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What did Goldilocks ask the Three Bears? Nothing, bears are aggressive mammals and killed her before she could speak.

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So a train conductor is going at 70 mph to to a destination 50 miles away. He goes over 3 hills, one at 20 mph, the other 42 mph, and the last at 63 mph. He crosses 2 bridges at 47 mph each. What did the train conductors mom eat for dinner that night Nothing she had cancer and died.

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why did the boat crash? a tomato was driving

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Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? It was probably a cold day.

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Why was the Asian terrible at driving? He was drunk.

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Knock Knock... Who's there? JUST LET ME IN!

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Bill: Hey Bob guess what? Bob:What? Bill: your adopted

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How do you get down from a horse?? You don't... You get down from a duck.

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Parents were talking about a particular whore house and tries to keep it secret to their son. Father: Bob and I saw the house near the river, its a whore house full of prostitutes. Mother: Shhh! Our son is listening. The Son enters the room. Son: Don't mind me, I know that area. Both parents were angry: So you've been there!? Don't deny, you know! Son: Just because I know doesn't mean I've been there. I know the moon has less gravity but I haven't been there.

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who is gay wit mon james cornish

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How many Woman does it take to change a lightbulb? none they had a back up lamp

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Whats the difference between the NBA and the WNBA? NBA players make more, have more fans, and play a real sport.

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Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach? She wanted a tattoo.

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How do you make a little girl cry twice? Rub your bloody dick on her teddy bear

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops