Why did the man cry? Because his mom died in a terrible car accident.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Why was the Tortous and the Hare written? So fat people will feel good about themselves.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

If I could slow down time I would have become a super criminal or something, no, my movements become slower also, ever heard of a game Max Payne? The character can slow down his perception of time and still aim his gun normally while he himself moving at the same speed as the rest. I well... when time seems to go slower, my thoughts do not, so yeaaah, Except my fast reactions also make me wear myself out faster to the point where I got injured a lot as a kid, like smacking my wrist against arcade games and stuff, broke my wrist, as a teen, still hurts when it rains, yeah weird but true.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What is the definition of “making love”? Something a woman does while a guy is f-ing her.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Knock Knock, Who's there? Me, get naked bitch!

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What do a van and a pencil have in common? You can write with both, except with the van.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What happened to the girl that thought she was a mermaid? She drowned, humans can't breathe under water.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What did one duck say to the other? "Quack" Ducks don't talk. But if it were to say something it would probably mention how it is concerned about the fact that the majority of people on the internet don't know what ducks say to each other.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

When life throws you melons, You probably won't catch them.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Jack, John, Justin, Joseph and Jimmy walk into a bar. They order a pint of beer and start wondering what their names have in common.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because I told him to. I'm very influential.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What's worse than a pile of dead babies? An alive one at the bottom eating its way up.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Knock Knock! But nobody was home and couldn't hear it.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Why did Michael Jackson retire from basketball? Michael Jackson never played basketball, but was nonetheless one of the most successful musicians to ever live.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

anti jokes are like chickens. they arent funny at all. which makes them funny...

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What's green, three feet tall, and can live forever? Definitely not Julie Andrews.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What do you call a black guy that flies a plane? A pilot.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What did the pepper say to Mr. Peno? Hallo peno!

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Two Mice are sitting on a bridge , one falls down an the other is named Charlotte

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Colon Right Parentheses For all of the confused people out there that's :)

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I am a florist.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What color is cotton? White Well in Afrca, they grow black cotton

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Why was the boy sad? Because he had a frog stapled to his face

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because chickens are not intelligent enough to realize the hazardous dangers of crossing the street.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops