One fish... Two fish... Red fish... I have AIDs

thumb_up thumb_down +6

your so vein that doctors find you really helpful when giving you injections

thumb_up thumb_down +6

When I was in 4th grade, I was fat. The other kids would take my lunch and spit in all the food, then give it back. Teachers started to wonder why I wasn't eating, and soon began to ask me if I was anorexic. I replied, "do I look anorexic!?" I'm now 6 foot 3 and weigh 56 pounds. *FUN FACT: based on a heartwarming true story.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

If you pull a pin out of a grenade, is it possible to put it back? I need a quick answer for this question.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

hy did the boy cross the road? to jump of the bridge on the other side.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Whats black and white and red all over? My wife, i constantly beat her and I should probably be arrested for it if she didnt love me so much

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Your mom is so poor She will soon have to make the difficult decision whether or not to put you up for adoption

thumb_up thumb_down +6

A man walks into the bathroom. He dumps cat shit all over the floor

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What do u call a man who sells hot dogs on the street? A Mexican

thumb_up thumb_down +6

hi im bob i ate a Pickle sucked a boob and died of a haert atak

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What do a tree and I have in common? We would both be mad if we got turned into paper.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Lets just say some of my boys owed me a favor, and that if we where all "clean slate workers" I would never have been able to pull some favors out of the higher ups. As far as for "these Shadows" of yours, I know nothing, while I invented the encoding format for the messages you use, I intend keeping it to myself. People here will still assume this is bullshit unless you get somebody to hack this site, believe me, its pretty damn easy to retrieve whatever data might have been lost.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

How do you keep an idiot in suspense?....

thumb_up thumb_down +6

A talent agency is giving auditions and is just about to rap it up when a family shows up. They reluctantly agree to their "brief" audition given that they had found no suitable talent that day. The routine starts with the father starting 6 chainsaws at once while simultaneously starting a juggling/lumberjacking routine. His beautiful wife proceeds to toss him additional chainsaws (as he continually throws them for dramatic effect) while also maintaining a hypnotizing dance which seems to drain your desire to leave from your very soul. The children take turns jumping in between the chainsaws while doing a silent replay of the movie, "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon." After it plays out the father tosses the final chainsaw up in the air which lands standing straight, quivering in the dust of the studio. The studio manager says, "Why that's an AMAZING act!! I'll sign you right now! What do you call your act?" In response to which, the father ****s on his desk.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What's easier than taking candy from a baby? Almost nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Why couldn't the blonde count to 70? because 69 was a mouth full:)

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Why did James drop his ice-cream? He was mourning the loss of his mother to terminal illness so he threw himself in front of a train.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What's the worst part about eating a vegetable? Putting her back in the wheel chair.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

How many squirrels does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Who cares? Why would a squirrel need to change a lightbulb?

thumb_up thumb_down +6

what is sticky and brown a black guys stick

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Why did the road cross the chicken? Well, according to Einstein's Theory of Special Relativity, if you and the chicken were to cross the road simultaneously, your perspective, relative to the chicken, would remain unchanged. Therefore, the road would appear to move underneath the chicken, which would seem to be performing some style of polka dance.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

My friend was waving a stick around and yelling out spells, so walked up to him and asked "You want to be Harry Potter, don't you?" He replied excitedly "Yeah!!" So i killed his parents and locked him under the stairs.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Your mother is so fat that she's more prone to cardiovascular disease than other people who stick to the proper BMI or body mass index

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Q: Did you hear about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air? A: She missed.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops