What is green and smells like paint? Grass, it doesnt smell like paint, I lied.

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Knock Knock. Who's There? Nobody, this is a metaphorical door..

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A man walks into a bar and notices a twelve inch tall man playing a small piano. He asks the bartender about it. The bartender explains that the pianist has worked there for some time, mostly performing on weeknights. The bartender also tells the man that he may be suffering some vision problems, as the pianist is about 5'8" or 5'9". Some time later the man visits an optometrist and finds out he has a severe case of astigmatism.

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Q: I have a bed, but never sleep, I have a mouth, but never speak. What am I? A: Stephen Hawking

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A man walks into a bar. Something funny happens.

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Hey

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Why did the woman eat her sandwich. She was hungry.

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a boy scout wipes his butt with a dollar cause he had no toilet paper then the other boy scout hears him screaming they meet up later and the other boy scout askes why he was scream and the first boy scout says that is hard to wip your butt with 4 quarters.

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Did you hear the one about the man who went into the jungle wearing nothing but leopard print underwear? He was suffering from psychogenic fugue disorder and had no idea who or where he was. He was eventually eaten alive by a flesh-eating centipede. When his wife found out, she committed suicide.

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Why did Bob scream "Nurrrrrrrrr!!"?.....because he was mentally challenged.

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A van drives into a car.

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if you fall, I'll be there. -floor

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whats green and red green and red green and red? a frog in a blender.

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How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? That is not nearly as important as how to cure cancer so let's not worry about it.

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How did the dead baby cross the road? It was stapled to the leg of a chicken.

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an american walks out of a strip club.

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Why was Helen Keller depressed? She was deaf and blind.

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how do you tune a piano, you dont, piano tuners tune a piano, I wasn't talking to you!

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What kind of mother doesn't do laundry? A dead one.

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You wanna know who else messes around a lot? My mom. Do you know who else has the best tacos in town? My mom. Do you know who else doesn't have time for this? My mom. She's a very busy woman; dealing with matters you'd expect a recently divorced mother would have to carry on her shoulders.

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What does a grandmas vagina taste like? I don't know -- nor do I want to.

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What did one ginger say to the other? W are both gingers.

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How long can penguins hold their breath underwater? Long enough for you to eat a baby and then cover for it.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead, ok!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops