I'd like to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather did. Not screaming in terror like the rest of te people in his car.

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What does the alien say to the man? Nothing, because it is highly unlikely that an alien would ever land on Earth, and even more unlikely that they would speak the same language of us. On top of that, aliens would not know anything about our species, and would probably hide from us due to being frightened and eventually flee back to their home planet where we would never see them again because our techonology is not advanced enough and the chances that we would find their planet which is somewhere among the billions of planets in the universe, are slim.

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yo mama is so fat she has more rolls than basken robins does flavors

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mike:what did the boy with no arms and legs get for christmas tom:cancer ahahahaha mike:he got a skateboard jerk nararrator: this skate board will be worth less because he has no legs

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Why did the blind man get hit by a bus? Because his seeing-eye dog was distracted by a squirrel and ran off, leaving the man in the middle of the cross-walk in heavy traffic.

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What did the one Lame say to the other Lame? I don't know, what did you say?

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Q: why did the dog fall down the stairs? A: Because I pushed him down.

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Why shouldn't 6 guys sleep naked in the same bed? They would not fit

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Why are friends like trees? If you hack at them repeatedly with an axe, they fall over.

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Riddle me this, riddle me that. I'll eat your f^cking cat.

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Why do blonde girls like penis? Because it tastes good

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Why did the elephant climb the tree? Because he didn't want to tie his shoe.

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A guy forgot his 20th wedding anniversary. His wife was really mad, and said that she better have something in the driveway that goes from 0 to 350 in 10 seconds, and he quickly pulled out an AK-47 and murdered her violently.

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what did the pumpkin muffin say to the blueberry muffin? nothing, because muffins can't talk.

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What did the robet say to the centipede? Stop being a centipede. Its funny becuase the robot had no arms.

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Why did the cookie go to the doctor, beause he was feeling really crumby...becuase he has testicular cancer

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A priest, a minister, and a rabbi walk into a butcher's shop. The priest and the minister each by a pound of pork while the rabbi doesn't because one of the 613 Commandments is that a Jew shall not eat any animal with hooves.

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despite popular opinion to the contrary you shouldn't eat mercury.

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your face

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If you add two 1's together its 11 if you add two 2's together its 22 If you add two 3's together its 33 So what happens if you add 4 and 4? No you dumb-ass its not 44, its 8

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my friend said this website was funny, you know what i said?.... its really not!

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Roses are red Violets are blue We decapitated some little children Now I'm in jail too.

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What did the cat say when someone pointed out that cats can't talk? Meow.

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A man walks into a bar his alcoholism is tearing his family apart

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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