A man walks into a bar and gets drink

thumb_up thumb_down -27

A man with Tourette's syndrome walks into a bar. Because of his disease, he shouts unexpected profanities across the room, and everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the humiliation anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom, pulls out a gun, and points it at his head. His wife walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and he notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to make. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. Shocked and afraid, he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentenced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man still suffers from Tourette's and cannot control his ticks and rots in jail. He continues to scream random obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

What did Luigi say to Mario? You look like a fat Mexican

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Q: How do you wake up Lady Gaga? A: You murder her friends and family.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

25

thumb_up thumb_down -27

What did the pet lion say to its owner? Nothing. Lions do not have the ability to speak. The lion then proceeded to hunt down its owner, pin him down and rip out his insides. Besides, the likelyhood of owning a lion as a pet is very slim, and even if one did, this act would be highly illegal in most parts of the world.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Why was the Muslim crying? Because his brother got hit by a bus.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

A man walks into a bar. It resulted in a concussion and 17 stitches.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Why? Because.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Why did the chicken commit suicide? No one knows, he didn't leave a note.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

How many are in a baker's dozen? 12 bakers

thumb_up thumb_down -27

What is red and has wheels? Grass, I lied about it being red and having wheels.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

why did the kids pull the fire alarm? because there was a fire.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

What happened to the plumber payed in gum? His family left him because he was irresponsible with his business

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Why did the black man go through the window of the house? He left his keys inside

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Roses are red Violets are blue I have altzhiemers Cheese on toast.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

What's the hardest part about blending a baby? My D**K

thumb_up thumb_down -27

What do you call black people in a church, Holy shit

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Superman and Batman get in a fight, who wins? No one the world has just lost a superhero.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Why did Suzie die? She ate too many fried twinkies.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Why was the man weird... Stevie Wonder

thumb_up thumb_down -27

If bananas are purple, then what color are oranges? I am not going to tell you the answer because this joke has no significance whatsoever.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Hitler has a certain "genocide-quaw" about him

thumb_up thumb_down -27

"Knock knock" "Who's there?" "Steve" "Oh hey Steve, come on in"

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops