What's black and white and red all over? A mime that got hit by a truck.

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Why does Beyonce sing "to the left, to the left"? Because that's where a box of everything you own is

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Q:Whats yellow and white and sits at the bottom of a pool? A: A baby with slashed floaties Q:Whats red and gory and sits at the top of a pool? A: Floaties with a slahed baby

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What's Blue and tastes like orange cake? A blue cake.

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What was going through the minds of the Sandy Hook victims? Bullets.

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Why did all the boys come to my yard? Because of My milkshakes

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Why did the boy fall off his skateboard before running into a cross-section? Because he was shot.

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what happened when the sports mascot ate a bean and cheese burrito? he shat inside his costume and got fired.

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What killed Hitler? His gas bill.

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Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, this captain and his crew were always in danger of being boarded by pirates from a pirate ship. One day while they were sailing, they saw that a pirate ship had sent a boarding party to try and board their ship. The crew became worried, but the Captain was calm. He bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!" The First Mate quickly got the Captain's red shirt, which the captain put on. Then he led his crew into battle against the mean pirates. Although there were some casualties among the crew, the pirates were defeated. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending two boarding parties towards their ship. The crew was nervous, but the Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" And once again the battle was on! The Captain and his crew fought off the boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred. Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's events when an ensign looked at the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?" The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, explained, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the blood, so you men will continue to fight unafraid." The men sat in silence. They were amazed at the courage of such a man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, 'Bring me my white flag!"

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What is funnier than 24? The fact that you think numbers are funny?

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Do you believe that if I theoretically am unmatched in many ways, would feel less alone if I decided to become more like the rest?

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Why did the Mexican mow the lawn? He needed money to feed his family and to pay for his daughter's college education.

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What's the difference between a bird and a fish ? They're both different, except the fish.

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How many Obamas does it take to screw an economy? What do you think?

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Knock Knock Who's there? Your physician, you're going to die.

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What is life? Paul.

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What did Hitler say to his empire, A lot of stuff that I am to lazy to look up, all i know that the holocaust was bad and we shouldn't repeat it.

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A poor boy receives his first wrapped present in his entire life. Why did he hate it so much? Because it was a copy of "Mien Kampf" Is he Jewish? No, he actually does know what "Mien Kampf" is because he is poor and cannot read.

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What happened to the gun that was jammed? It didn't shoot.

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What did the African say to the Mexican? "Hola, Como estas?" and the Mexican did not respond because he didn't speak Spanish.

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what do u call a joke with no punchline? A non-harmful joke

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What do u call a joke with no punchline? A joke with a kickline

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Whiney the poo and the blustery day.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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