What do you give a man who has everything? Syphilis

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How do you kill a black person? Make them skydive 10,000 feet in the air without a parachute

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If you give a mouse a cookie... you're destroying their natural diet.

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who is jacked and looks like a beast? • James Cornish

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Why were my arms so tired after I flew in from the coast? Because the stewardess, god rest her soul, failed to latch the door securely.

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What's so similar about a zombie and a black man? They are both almost human.

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It's time to kick ass and chew bubblegum... ...and I'm all out of ass but still have plenty of bubblegum to sit down and chew in a quiet and leisurely manner.

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How many fingers am i holding up? none, my hand got blown off in Vietnam

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I may have Alzheimer's, but at least I don't have Alzheimer's.

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Little Timmy enjoyed school He went to Sandy Hooks

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Why was the black family eating at K.F.C? The food there is really good and they had a discount on the family bucket.

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Studies show that 95% of house fires are caused by fire.

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ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSUCKMYDICK

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"Why do children's movies show everything in that happens in the movie in the trailer?" "The same reason I show children everything that's inside of my trailer."

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How do you find the richest person in Mexico? You get the census of income per citizen and see who is at the top.

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Why can't you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom? Because the p is silent!

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Why did Bill correct Matt when he called him Jim? Because that wasn't his name.

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Phew... it's gone.

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how do you get a blonde one-handed woman out a tree? wave

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There are 2 kinds of people in this world... 1.Those who need closure.

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How do you scare a brunette? Hide behind a door or wall until the unsuspecting person walks by, then jump out and yell.

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A horse walked into a bar. The bartender asked: "Why the long face?" The horse said: "My wife just died."

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It was okay, then Alice my friend and a nurse insisted (she can be a total bitch) I take a painkiller, of course that messed up my focus completely and threw off my hypnotic suggestion which I use to shut down the pain receptors. Ironically I cannot seem to shut off my allergy to dust. Oh, yeah it was the standard bullshit Mensa test, ten patterns or something, oh and while I am terrible at trivia, I am actually much smarter than a fifth grader, I mean one kid told me he was smarter because he could do math better than me and he could, so I choked the little bitch to death, who is the smartest one now?

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In class a teacher said "Stand up if you think you'r stupid" A kid stands and the teacher ask why? The kid said: "Oh I thought it'd be a bit fair since your standing up.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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