Which is Taller ? the Giraffe or the Lion is faster ?

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What do you do when you see your wife outside the kitchen? Tell her to enjoy the rest of her day, and you look forward to spending time with her when you both get home from your jobs.

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Q: Why did the turtle cross the road? A: Doesn't matter, got hit by car.

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What's brown and smells like shit? Shit.

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-Knock Knock -Who's there? -The Pizza you ordered. -Oh thank you very much. -That'll be $10. -Here you go. -Thank you very much, sir. Enjoy your meal.

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What did the lion say to the Octopus? Nothing, lion's can't speak. And even if they did, the chances of one ever encountering an octopus are very slim.

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Why are black people afraid of white people? Over two hundred years of oppression.

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When you see it... YOU'LL HAVE AN ORGASAM.

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Your so dumb, you didn't notice I should have used you're. Don't lie

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How do you sleep? With a knife I just saved a lot of money by switching to Geico......with a knife I'm going to the restroom, with a knife. How do you do a back flip with no hands? With a knife. What is 2 plus 2? The answer is 4, with a knife. Would like you like to go see a movie with me...with a knife? Today, I'm going to show you how bake a strawberry chocolate cake...with knife. I'm sorry, you have the wrong number...with a knife. Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side....with a knife. A man walks to a bar and orders a shot of vodka....with a knife. Omg, I just saw Miley Cyrus at the mall today....with a knife. In Soviet Russia, blah blah blah, with a knife. How many blondes does it take to screw a lightbulb? 1, with a knife. I'll be back in time for dinner, I'm going to the gym and work on my abs....with a knife.

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There once was a man from peru who dreamed he was eating his shoe he awoke with a fright in the middle of the night to find he had eaten the gel packets that came with them and died of cancer.

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An atheist sneezed. Everyone around him said "god bless you". He thanked them and continued on with his normal day because it wasn't really that big of a deal to him.

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What does a blonde see when she looks into a box of cheerios? A delicious and hearty breakfast that lowers cholesterol and is good for the heart

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What happened to Mitchell after he left the store? He walked

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Thumbs down this! Please, i wanna see how many thumbs down this can get!!!

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What do you call a black man who kills jews? a serial killer

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Whats worse than a fly in your soup? The Holocaust.

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Knock, Knock. Who's there? Nobody likes you.

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Duck A lays an egg which rolls into Duck B's nest. To whom does the egg technically belong to? Neither, ducks do not have the legal right of ownership.

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A black man walks into a bar, and asks the barman for a pint of lager. The barman refuses to serve him because of his race. This causes the black man and any others in the establishment to leave, considering this appalling behaviour.

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Beans, beans, they're good for your heart, Because they contain antioxidants and help to lower your cholesterol.

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What happened to the Atheist when he died? No one knows because there's no proof God does or does not exist and the only way to find out is to die.

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14

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Whats worse than biting into an apple and finding out you ate half a worm? Getting raped. Whats worse than that? Getting shot in the liver. Whats worse than that? Getting shot in the liver then getting raped.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops