There once was a boy walking down the street. He got shot in the head. He died.

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What did the boy ask the ice cream man? Can I have some ice cream?

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How do you kill a vampire? You can't because vampires aren't real.

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Whats the difference between Obama and Hitler? One is the President of the United States The other is a fascist dictator that killed millions.

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One day, a mother was speaking with her daughters. "Mommy," the first one said, "Why did you name me Daisy?" "Because when we brought you home, a daisy petal fell on your head." "Mommy," the second daughter said, "Why did you name me Rose?" ""Because when we brought you home, a rose petal fell on your head." "MMMBWWAAAAGGGH!" the last daughter cried. She was born with severe special needs and is incapable of coherent speech.

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Q: How do you fit 30 Jews in one car? A: Two in the front, two in the back, and the rest in the ash tray.

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This is hypothetical remember, just examples with no roots in real life events. The problem with your former employee, was that he would easily have played the victim, certain organizations would have paid him a fortune for the intel he had collected, and surely also agreed to let him walk away, and get you and your small (relatively) crack team death penalty on the spot, just like the underground, you would have been branded terrorists simply because certain people would have earned billions by doing so. The wizard would most likely have gone free, as long as he shared every tiny bit of info, then the cops, the feds, would have blamed it all on you for being his supervisor, you would not have survived the ordeal, trust me.

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What did the white person say to the black person? Nothing because he was black

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why do jewish people have big noses? because air is free

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what did one wall say to the other wall Nothing because its physically impossible for walls to talk

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Why did the boy not get picked up from soccer? His mom was in a fatal car accident. His dad simply forgot.

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what's worse than finding an worm in your apple? Finding HALF a worm in your apple.

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I walks over to da shop de oother day and there was this guy and he was like... I bought some petrol. LOoooooooooL

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Malcom: Knock Knock. Jessica: Who's there? Malcom: It's Malcom. Jessica: Okay. Come in.

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do you know cadbury choclate buttons? yeah, you know the white ones come out now, do you why? so the black kids can get there face dirty too

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What did the chair say to the guy? Nothing, as it is a chair and chairs can't talk

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I used to be able to walk, but then I took an arrow to the knee. It tore my acl and shattered my kneecap.

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Someone with a lame joke: What's black and white and red all over? Smart person who decides to mess with him: Nothing, if it is red all over how can it be black and white???????

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Whats brown and smells bad poo

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Why didn't the dog want to cross the road? there was a flea market on the other side.

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Mini mouse was brutally killed n Oakland Now Mickey is a Chinese member of the crips in Compton Remember don't forget to see the new Disney movie, Mickey Goes Gang-Bangin

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What do you call someone who doesn't have a soul? A ginger

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what did the boy with cancer want for christmas? a gun

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Naw, not now, I don't want to be assimilated, I am a bit of a wuss right now, really tired.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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