What's brown and red? I lied about the red, it's dirt.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What's blue, red, and full of metal? Timmy in his favorite blue sweater, after he got hit by a truck.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why did Suzie fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock, Knock. Who's there? Not Suzie

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why did it rain happiness? The people who wrote the jokes above and below this one exploded.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What did the prosecuting attorney say to the defense attorney? I hate you.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

If Chuck Norris were to be hit by a train he would die

thumb_up thumb_down +2

A black man walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve you kind here." The black man says, "Is it because I'm black?" The bartender replies, "Yes."

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Yo mama is so fat... she died due to type two diabetes.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

This is SPARTA! SPARTA? THIS IS MADNESS! (kicks guy down well) What is hurt! Baby dont love me, dont love me, no more. Moral: The funny thing is probably that the line makes a lot more sense all of sudden does it not?

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Study from real life: My trip to Texas. (From the time when I was interested in mormon-ism.) Texan: And here is my gun collection, great for shootin yer Mexican scum. Me: Uh I am Norwegian but my ancestors where Russian or something so my skin is... Texan: *points gun at me and pushes trigger halfways* Just kidding der son, sure you aint no Mexican though? Okay just checkin ya know... Me *sweating bullets* Texan guys gun go off almost hitting me and breaking a vase.. Conclusion: He blamed me, everyone had lunch outside later, everyone kept looking at the "trigger happy MEXICAN"... Nero: By then I began grasping the fact that I was better suited for the study of the dark arts... And also learned that in Mormonism, Heaven and Hell are planets locked into war, where black people where neutral, and red people are demon supporters, but WE CAN ALL BE SAVED BY BECOMING WHITE! JUST LIKE THE ANGEL MORONI! Conclusion two: Moroni... Lol.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What did the blind, deaf and dumb kid get for Christmas? The sweet, merciful release of death at the hands of his father, who had been struggling with the emotional and financial drain of raising a severely disabled child for many years. It was only a matter of time before the man snapped, as he was a single parent working twenty hour days, seven days a week, to just barely cover all the medical bills that the specialists and therapy incurred.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

A man is walking on the beach and discovers a lamp in the sand. He takes it home to polish it. Eventually it looks like new and he gets a fairly reasonable price from an antique shop.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What did the kid with cancer get for christmas? A puppy, but it was left too long in a wrapped up box without air, it quickly suffocated and ruined the kids chirstmas.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

A man walks into a bar. He leaves a large rucksack by the pool table and walks out. The rucksack then explodes and kills 13 people because it is the height of the Troubles and the man is a member of the IRA, who targetted the bar because it is regularly visited by British servicemen. The media extensively cover the story, and the two sides of the conflict in Northern Ireland decide that the bloodshed must stop, which eventually made way to the Good Friday agreement of 1998.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

A bartender walks up to a church and a synagogue

thumb_up thumb_down +2

One guy asks another guy, "Why did the sleeping man get sucked into the sinkhole?" The other guy replies, "I don't know, I heard about that a few months ago, it seems highly improbable statistically. "

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

How many black people does it take to change a light bulb? None. While they were figuring out who to change the bulb the bulb lit a spark and the house caught fire. Everyone but one died. The black guy couldn't change the bulb because the bulb was lost in the fire.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because if he stayed on the farm, he would have been condemned to a miserable life, subjected to deplorable living conditions and an eventual pain-filled death by the hand of a cruel and heartless farmer. Crossing that road was his only chance of salvation.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Q: How do get a person to leave you alone ? A: Suck out his eye-balls stuff them in your ears to muffle the sound of his screaming as you head-butt him into a fine paste. Then proceed to spread or squeeze sed paste on to delicious food substance and eat sed delicious food substance. Then carry on with the rest of your day like nothing happened. (P.S. Just ignore any letters about court cases or arrests)

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What did the basketball player do before he scored a basket? Shot the basket ball

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What's the hardest part of eating a vegetable? Putting her back in the wheelchair

thumb_up thumb_down +2

A man named Chuck walks into a bar. One of the patrons says, "Oh my god! You're Walker, Texas Ranger!" Chuck replies, "No, that's Chuck Norris. I'm Chuck Connors. I played the Rifleman." The man replies, "Wait, aren't you dead?"

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why is wood brown Because wood is brown

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops