What do you call a dear with no eyes. A mutilated dear.

If life give you lemons, throw them at people.

What's black and doesn't work? My blackberry

What do you call a alcaholic walking down the street..... Roadkill

Major League Soccer

Why did the black man crash his car? His low-income job forced him to buy a toyota.

A white, black, and Hispanic man walk into a bar at 2:00 in the morning. Unfortunately the bar closed at midnight, so they were charged with breaking and entering, and were sentenced to 2 years in prison.

Communism hehe xd

BLACK PEOPLE! (im black so its not racist)

How many Jews does it take to fill a shower? As many as it does to fill an ash tray.

Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she is both deaf and blind. Driving would be an extremely hazardous action for herself and other nearby drivers.

How many Jews can you fit in a car? - Probably about 5 or 6, depending on the car.

what is the difference between a car salesman and a lawyer? a car salesman sells cars to people while a lawyer is an expert in law.

FRED CLEAN YOUR ROOM! Ok mom, I'm done "Nothing is cleaned" Well.. I tried

Roses are red, Violets are blue. I have a gun! So I KILL YOU!!!!

Two scuba divers are playing cards on the bottom of the ocean. One asks "have you got amy threes?" Then they both die from maintained exposure to the incredible pressure at the bottom of the sea. One left behind three children.

What's the difference between car keys and truck keys? Literally nothing.

Little Jack Horner sat in a corner eating a Christmas pie. He died the next morning because it was Easter and the pie had remained unrefrigerated since the holidays. His parents were brought up on charges of neglegent homocide. Plus, they had a meth lab in the guest bathroom and ran a prostituion ring off of Craig's list. Jack's sister is now in the care of loving foster parents,who plan on adopting her and she misses her brother. Easter is a sad reminder of her former life, even though she is now a devout Christian and acknowledges the day as that of our Lord's ressurection. She plans on going to college to study nursing, someday.

What did the white guy say when a black man punched him? Ow, i am sueing for assault. that is a crime

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How many calories are in a bag of Fritos? 160 calories.

Why the hell does my sister shower in a swimsuit every time? Its not as if anyone is looking! ALRIGHT! ONCE ALRIGHT? ONLY ONCE! But then she hears the sound of my zipper ONCE and the shit hits the fan! Which is weird, yeah suuure she hears it when I pull it up, but when I pull it down and stroke it and moan? Nada!

How can you treble the value of any Skoda car? Ensure its paintwork, upholstary, floor, lights, wipers, steering wheel, brake, horn, CD player, radio and clutch are clean and/or sound; fill its petrol tank, oil, brake and winscreen wiper fluid reserves; fit a roof rack; include a red triangle, a fire extinguisher, a blanket and a first aid kit in the sale; take out comprehensive insurance and pay a year's road tax and MOT before selling it.

What was the last thing that went through the crashing helicopter pilot's head? The propeller.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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