How do you stop a baby from crawling around in circles? Nail its other hand to the floor.

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What do you call Justin Bieber's assassin? A hero doing a noble favor to the community.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I like funny jokes but I tend to ruin the punchline by just talking too much and that's probably why no one likes me and...

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why did the kids pull the fire alarm? because there was a fire.

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Knock knock. I know who is there... What? No, I lied...

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Non-Anti-Joke.com!

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What did the Orange say to the Apple? Hi

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Why was the man sad? Cause his dog fell off a cliff

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Girl goes to see a sex therapist. Girl says, "Doc, though this has never been a problem, for the past 3 months I have been unable to reach climax. Can you help me?" Doc says, "Yes.". And after an intense 18 months of therapy the doctor helped the girl to discover that her inability to reach climax was related to issues of childhood sexual abuse. And after another 36 months of therapy the girl finally found the courage to confront and forgive her unrepentant abuser, as she realized that by not forgiving him, it was like drinking poison while hoping that he would die. And though the doctor did help her,as he had said, the girl never regained her ability to reach climax again.

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your mommas so stupid she has trouble doing things an average person would manage easily

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What's blue and fluffy? Blue fluff!

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what is brown and wet? Muddy water

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my gave me a game i said thank you

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whats brown and half eaten? yeah an easter egg that a parent has given to there son/daughter before dinner

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Whats better than throwing a baby off a cliff? Catching it with a pitchfork. Whats better than catching a baby with a pitchfork? Eating it afterwords.

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Robin, Get in the Car

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The speakers on my computer were broken, so I was going to replace them with John Boehner. Because he is the SPEAKER of the house.

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What do you get when you mix a baby and a fork? An abortion.

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Okay, yeah red, but you wont ever get to see it because you have gone stale.

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Knock, knock. Who's there? ...

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Did you hear about the guy who had his head chopped off? He's dead.

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No one walks into a bar The bar is slowly losing business and will soon be forclosed upon and will also lose his home as a result causing his family and himself to be homeless and slowly suffer on the streets

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Yesterday, my friend said I should facebook him. So I slammed a book into his face.

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Whats the difference between a jew and a pizza? A pizza doesn't scream when you put it in the oven.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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