What do you call 1,000 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A horrible boating accident.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

A blonde and a brunette nearly fell off a cliff and were hanging on for dear life. The brunette found the strength to climb back onto the ledge. The blonde was impressed and had muscular dystrophy so she lost the strength to hold on any longer and fell to her death.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Why are black people afraid of white people? They aren't

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Well... At that time everyone expected that the only people that knew hypnosis where either "born with the gift from the stars" or was some old beard man that spent "hundreds of years in the mountains".or a wizard or a shamanic priest, or well some guy in a particular stupid suit of sorts, it increased its potency simple as that, as having people stare at me and laugh because "You are not some beardy guru master" is a pretty bad start for the effective use of mass hypnosis. Mono-ideoism actually just means really concentrated focus on a single object or state of mind, the thing about the name (aside from sounding kinda mono-idiotic) is that strong focus alone does NOT lead to a state of relaxation which is one of the prime requirements to achieve a state of trance, I mean try focusing on something really hard and your body produces a huge amount of beta waves, aka stress. All of that is bullshit, but my horrible childhood did leave me with the "gift" to space out pretty quickly, so I learned it pretty fast without really knowing what it was at first.

thumb_up thumb_down +7

Technically I did not try to, but I made you believe I tried in vain, so your subconcious is unable to register that it is under a state of trance, you could deny it, but you are in a state of trance right now. So how big are your breasts?

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Does anyone know any good ways to piss off an Grammar Nazi?

thumb_up thumb_down +5

You want to know something bad? A bag of dead babies. You wanna know something worse? One was still alive. You wanna know something even worse? He ate his way out. You wanna know something even worse? He went back for seconds.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What is black and white and red all over? A skunk in a blender.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

69

thumb_up thumb_down +5

A man and a friend are playing golf one day. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: "Wow! That is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You are truly a kind man." The other man replies, "Yeah, well, we were married 35 years."

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What is better than winning a gold medal at the special olympics? Not being retarded

thumb_up thumb_down +5

what do you call an elephant crossing a fish? a elephant fish

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What do you call someone who copies a previously posted anti-joke without doing any research to see if it has been posted before? a lazy good for nothing rectum licking testicle sucking gonad gobbling arse bandit with narcissism issues

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What is the best anti joke? Dunno cant think of one

thumb_up thumb_down +5

A woman leaves the kitchen.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

A horse walks into a bar. the bartender asks: "How's the family?" The Horse says: "they are fine." Everyone runs out screaming because Horses can't talk, except the bartender. He has a mental illness.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

If two blondes had a kid it would probably be a blonde because two recessive chromosomes have a higher chance of showing than one dominant gene.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

God. God.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

why did the african american man get shot? he partook in a gang life

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Q: why did the train not make it to the station? A: it crashed and killed everybody on board.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Whats the difference between cake and dead babies? Cakes make people happy while dead babies are a sad and disturbing sight to see.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Q: What did the duck say to the other duck? A: Quack

thumb_up thumb_down +5

If life gives you lemons.... Life is an abstract noun not a physical object so it can not give you lemons.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Q. What did the mom say to the boy scout? A. He wouldn't be a happy camper.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops