Why do you never see hippopotamus hiding in trees? They are really good at it.

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Why did you step on my watermelon?

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Why was the fat kid the last one to lunch? He'd had lead bricks stapled to his ankles by the skinny kids.

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This night was a stormy one, alot was destroyed, but the spirit of Little Jonny Harrison lived on with a shining light so strong it could blind some. Jonny lived in Ristoville, a village atop a hill. Citizens of Ristoville were frightened for their lives, all but Jonny. He was bullied from a young age of 3 months, by his Uncle Clive, who was a Catholic Priest, full-time. Fear shined in the eyes of the normal residents, whilst, in Jonny's heart, there glowed a glow of pure hope and confidence, Jonny Harrison, was going into the storm. Jonny knew he could amount to something, if he really really tried. He has 6 years behind him, and a long life ahead, and he figured, what's the worst that could happen? He pondered this, and ultimately came to the conclusion that there will be nothing worse out there than Uncle Clive's "Magical Basement of Happiness". Jonny sat his mother down, looked her in the eye and whispered farewell. He wished his father the best wishes possible. Finally, Rosie Harrison, Jonny's sweet old Grandmother, who had been addicted to Crystal Meth for about 25 years now and been through 13 interventions and countless failed suicide attempts, opened her ears to young Jonathon's speech, he said softly in her ear, the words, "Hang in there, Gran. I know you can pull through, I may be only six but I sure as heck know how much i care for you.". The words of love echoed in her fragile little ears as Jonny walked away. He took with him a couple cartons of Apple and Blackcurrant Ribena and his Grandfather's lucky medallion and took his first step outside. He whipped out a carton of Ribena, strongly crumpled up the carton, slightly spraying pure fruit juice on his dungarees, and threw it to the drooping wet grass. He faced the towering lightning cloud and with a cry so intense, shouted, "Nothing will stop me!!". Jonny died shortly after of AIDS. His Uncle Clive was sentence to 5 years in a high security prison for child molestation and consistant child abuse and paedophillia. Rosie Harrison died later that day.

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What's the difference between an ice cream cone and a pile of dead babies? I don't cum on the ice cream before I eat it.

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How many Mexicans does it take to screw a lightbulb? None, they couldn't cross the border.

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While teaching her second grade class, Mrs. Peets asks the class a question from last night's homework, "OK class, what did you get for number five, 5+12=?" A kid in the back raises his hand slowly. "Yes James?", said the teacher. The kid in the back says, "My dick is as hard as a rock, Mrs. Peets."

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But one McDonalds Happy Meal for the price of two, and receive another McDonalds Happy meal absolutley free!

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What's worse than speaking to a Russian bear? Gettting mauled and eaten by one.

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What do you do when your dish washer breaks? divorce her.

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Who should you call when your dad overdoses on Viagra. Child Support

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What has two legs and is red all over? Half a cat.

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Why is it irrelevant whether someone is a twat or not? Love your neighbour.

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Why did the semen cross the road? Because i put on the wrong socks this morning

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Why did the 80 year old man lose his vision? Because he recently blew his head off.

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Do you know what Ethiopian food tastes like? Ethiopian food.

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I really did not understand the chapter. Is there anyway I can meet with you at a later time to discuss what I did wrong?

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Why did the football coach go to the bank? To make a deposit

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Cheetahs run at an alarmingly fast rate for short periods of time. Until I shoot them with harpoons.

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What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? Gloves.

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What did 4 Year Old Jonny get for his birthday? Death.

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What's worse then falling up the stairs? Ketchup

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Why didn't the 13 year old boy have any friends? He was autistic and didn't connect properly with people.

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I like peanuts. I like peanuts. I like peanuts. I'm allergic to peanuts. DAMIT

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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