What did George Washington say before he crossed the Delaware? "Get in the boat."

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5 little monkeys jumping on the bed. one fell off and bumped his head. momma called the doctor and the doctor said "your son is now a vegetable. he can no longer use his brain for things such as moving, talking, or eating. you are going to have to take care of him for the rest of his life. it is also going to be a burden on you and your husband because taking care of someone in this condition is very expensive, and could end up costing thousands of dollars each year."

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What did the brown guy say to the black person when he got fired? Nothing, did you think this was going to be racist or something?!

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What's the best way to cross the road? Ideally with your feet and legs because disabled people usually don't recommend their unfortunate state of affairs. However there are other alternatives which may or may not be better than common or garden walking, such as crane hire - crossing in a crane bucket in a safe spot; chauffer driven limos, which don't do the straight, direct route, generally; and being carried on a replica of Cleopatra's carry couch (but with modern suspension, unless you prefer the up and down motion).

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What did the Pedophile say to the small girl? I have served my sentence and been successfully rehabilitated. Please continue playing out in public without fear of being sexually assaulted.

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You know your in Houston when... The highway sign says so.

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What's the difference between a black man and a bench? A bench is an inanimate object.

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What do you call a fat kid? I don't know...you tell me

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What happens when 4 friends throw an egg into oncoming traffic, they hit a fire hydrant!

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Why did lil' Jimmy fall off his bike? The weight ratio between the left and right sections of his body became uneven due to some sort of change in the traction of the tires to the bumps on the road/ path.

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Have you seen Stevie Wonders new house? No. Neither Has He.

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Why did suzie fall off the swing? Because She had no arms. Why did suzie fall off again? Becauze Jimmy was trying to snipe her in the head the first time

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Why did the man dig his nose? because everyone digs their nose

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Why do the man leave his tv on? He was murdered while he was watching tv

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Why was Mrs. Clause mad at Santa Clause? Because he was hanging out with three hoes, Ho, Ho, and Ho

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What did the dog say to the other dog? Woof.

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Why was the kid picking his nose. Because someone shoved a bomb in it.

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Knock knock, Who's there? Pizza hut delivery service, here's your pizza, Thanks.

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What do you call an Ethiopian with a yeast infection? Quarter pounder with cheese.

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What did the Jew get for Christmas? Nothing

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Chuck Norris walks into a bar, and asks for directions to the nearest Applebee's.

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What has three legs and herpes? A male prostitute.

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Why did the white guy sit on the bench while the black guys were playing basketball? His mother was calling, and his AP scores were coming in that day. Those scores were important to him.

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Your dad is so abusive that he hurts you when he losses his temper

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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