What did the blind, deaf, quadriplegic boy get for Christmas? Cancer.

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Why did the priest touch the little boy? To Baptise him.

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How many perverts does it take to screw a lightbulb?

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What did zero say to ten? I see you found someone

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What has ears, but can't hear, eyes, but can't see, a mouth, but can't talk, and legs, but can't walk? A deaf and blind paraplegic with an improperly functioning larynx.

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What did the man say to the other man? You smell nice today.

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A kangaroo walks into a bar, he hops up to the bartender, and asks for a martini. The bartender, not knowing exactly what to do, goes into the back to his boss's office. He says "Hey, there's a kangaroo up front askin' for a martini...do we serve kangaroos?" His boss replies "Ya, of course, but these kangaroos, they aren't too smart, so charge him like 50 bucks for the drink." The bartender agrees and goes back up front to serve the kangaroo. He pours the martini and hands it to the kangaroo, the kangaroo thanks him and says "How much do I owe you?" The bartender replies "50 bucks." The kangaroo then reaches into his pouch, pulls out a fifty dollar bill, and puts it on the counter. He finishes his drink and begins to hop away. As he is leaving, the bartender says "Hey, wait, we don't get many of your kind around here, why is that?" And the kangaroo replies "I'm not surprised at THESE prices!!!" and hops out.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead.

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Asian: what time is it? other person: time for you to open your eyes.

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Womens rights

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A Jew and a Nazi have dinner together...... they both immensely enjoyed the wine.

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Whats the difference between a jew and a boy scout boy scouts come back from camp

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Girls go to college to get more knowledge. Boys go to Jupiter because they're already smart enough to achieve interplanetary space travel.

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A French, an American and a Belgian are going together on holidays. I hope they'll have good weather.

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how are a plum and a rabbit the same? they are both purple except the rabbit

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How do you get a lawyer out of a tree? Lean a ladder against the tree and reassure them if they are apprehensive.

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If at first you don't succeed.... maybe skydiving isn't for you...

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What did the rainbow sun say to the flower-faced elephant? "Want some tea and hamsters?" I'm addicted to acid.

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how much blow can charlie sheen hold up his nose? enough to kill Two and A Half Men

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Your mommas so fat that she may die.

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What happened to the prisoner who dropped the soap while in the shower with other men? Another prisoner picked up and gave it to him and finished showering and felt squeaky clean.

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Q. What's the difference between dead babies and celebrities? A. Nobody likes celebrities.

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Patient: Doctor, will I be able to play the piano when my arm heals? Doctor: Did I not tell you? You insurance didn't cover the cost of this operation. Your arm is never going to be healed!

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A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, "How'd you open the door?"

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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