Chuck Norris doesn't do push-ups. He prefers to bench press.

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Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack Quack Pi pi pi pi Pi pi pi pi Pingu Pingu!

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What did the man with no arms say to the jewish man? I have no arms.

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What do you do if you have a worm in your apple you throw it away

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What was the pirate movie rated? PG-13 for violence and mild nudity.

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What do Austrailian cows say? Moo.

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Why did billy fall off his bike? Because billy was a loaf of bread.

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When is a door not a door? Never, a door is an inanimate object and is thus incapable of transforming.

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What does a gay horse eat? Low-energy foods should only be fed to horses who are not regularly being worked and participating in high performance. According to the University of Kentucky's College of Agriculture, energy is vital to horses who need to perform their best as it aids many of the body's functions including muscle contraction, respiration and circulation. Only feed a low-energy diet to an idle horse and feed a high-energy diet to an older or sickly horse and to a working horse.

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Why did Joe wake up screaming? Because his wife cut off his penis.

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A Jew, a Muslim, and a black guy board a plane. Who gets kicked off first? The jew for his unruly behavior towards the flight attendant.

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what did the blind, deaf, retarded child, without any arms or legs get for Christmas? nothing, his parents are dead

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Q) What did the Hobo get for Xmas? A) Nothing

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Why did the little girl fall off the swings? Because at the climax point in the swing, gravity is making a much larger affect on you because you are pulling farther away from the earth as well as positioning your body in a way where it is awkward and unstable to support your body, which greatly increases the chance of you falling off and landing on the ground.

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i was in bed with a girl recently and she said to me 'I want tonight to be magical', so afterwards i disappeared.

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So a guy walks into a bar. He asks the woman next to him, ''Can I buy you a drink?'' The woman says,''No thank you.''

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When life gives you lemons You've got some lemons.

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why does one side of a v-flock of geese have more birds? Because it does.

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How many eskimos does it take to build an igloo? It depends... probably about six or seven.

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If humans say YOLO what do cats say? meow.

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"Knock Knock" "You know the doorbell is working?" "Oh, well, you know I'm here now. May I come in?" "Yes, have a cup of tea"

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What did the tampon say to the other tampon? Nothing, they were both stuck up bitches.

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Q. What's the best thing to do before you get in a car accident? A. There's actually not much you can do in a car accident, considering you probably will never expect it, and it happens relatively too fast to react.

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I'M JOSH BROWN!!!!!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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