Roses are grey Violets are grey I am a dog Woof.

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How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck would chuck wood? The etymology of the name woodchuck is unrelated to wood or chucking. It stems from an Algonquian (possibly Narragansett) name for the animal, wuchak. The similarity between the words has led to the common tongue-twister that you have just stated.

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Jesus once got nailed to a cross, beaten and gave his life in order to prove he was immortal. Safe to say, people remain impressed even 2000 years later. Moral: Lol, hey, its quite a feat, but what life did he give if he was immortal? Jesus is a okay dude though, he stole donkeys from stables (for transport) and when his disciples asked if stealing was bad he replied: God will provide for them. Awesome.

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What did squidward do when SpongeBob asked him to be his friend on Facebook? 1.declined it 2.got a restraining order against him 3.wondered how computer generated cartoon characters could send and decline friend requests

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Whats great about F***ing twenty one year olds? There's twenty of them.

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a man walks into a bar the other man ducks

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how do you wake up lady gaga? set her alarm for a reasonable hour

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why were maddie and maddy and rachel and jill all friends? we all enjoy pizza

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Why did the tomato blush? A tomato's complexion is already red so it simply appears to be blushing

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A man asked Alexander the Great if he was gay, yet Alexander the Great was not offended. Why? Because "gay" has a rather different connotation than in the modern world than it did in earlier time periods where it meant "happy". Also, Macedonians, Alexander the Great's native people, did not speak English so he would not understand the question. Also Alexander the Great was gay in the sense that he was actually a homosexual.

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I have three heads and nine eyes, what am I? I'm a liar.

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how do you get a black guy out of a tree? fried chicken.

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Why did the chick cross the road? To get to the brothel for hot lesbian love.

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Why is Bruce Wayne named Batman and Tim Drake named Robin? They wanted to hunt bats and robins whenever someone does something bad.

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What do you call a fat priest? Obese

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A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was a nurse said, "No change. He's likely to die, too."

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Why didn't the 13 year old boy have any friends? He was autistic and didn't connect properly with people.

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why did the bird fall out of the tree? Earth's Gravitational pull

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Your mum is such a slut, I'd reccomend she seeks psychiatric help, as her deviant promiscuity is clearly a phsical manifestation of some deep rooted psychological disfunction. We all wish her well.

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What did the wall say to the floor? Nothing.

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What's the easiest way to load dead babies into a tractor trailer? Pitchfork.

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I'm attracted to you like the earth is attracted to the sun. With a force that is inversely proportional to the distance squared.

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What did the alcoholic tell his son? Don't do meth.

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A plane carrying an Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman is destined to crash unless some weight is lost. First they drop the spare engine, but there is still too much weight. Then they drop the luggage, but still there is too much weight. All three men then jump out. The plane crashes anyway.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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