How does a pirate get to work? His CAAAARRRR! Where does the pirate go after work? The BAAAARRRR! How does the pirate get home from the bar? A taxi. A pirate doesn't drive after consuming alcohol.

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fallow me on twitter #ieatveloceraptorsfordinner

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whats worse than gill? nothing

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A dog walks into a bar and the bartender gives him a bowl of water because it is hot outside and he doesn't want the dog to dehydrate because he could die.

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Why did the blond girl get fired from the M&M Factory. Becouse she removed all the W's

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so three men walk into a bar and one is a priest.

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Boy:well you merry me. Girl:no Boy: why not? Girl:becuase you're rapeing me

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- knock knock. - Who's There? - Steve. - Steve who? - Fitzsimmons. We met at your wife's work party.

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What did the mom say to her clinically depressed son? You're dad died

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theres a black guy and a mexican whos driving the cop

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What do you get when you stab a four year old in the chest 57 times A dead body

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What do you call a poor Donald Trump? Donald Trump

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Someone stopped playing Skyrim.

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DILDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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waiter! waiter! theres a fly in my soup! the waiter immediately retrieved a new soup and gave them a 50% discount for the misshap.

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Knock knock Who's there? Dave Dave who? Dave Smith.

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Yo momma so fat, she has hypertension, diabetes, and a higher risk of heart disease.

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A man finds a mysterious lamp on the side of the road. He picks it up, rubs it, and sells the lamp at a pawn shop for $10,000. The man paid off his credit card debt and was happy that he did not have to file for bankruptcy.

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's dead

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What do you call a big group of Chinese people on Mars? An extraordinary feat for the Chinese space program and a historic day in human history, where a particular country has set up the first human colony on another planet and we have proven to ourselves that our race is capable of interplanetary travel and can accomplish anything if we set our minds to it.

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Just finished taking a huge $hit, wiped my ass, then realized I wasn't done.

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Bob: Hey bro Jim: ... Bob: You're dead! Jim: Yep.

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Last night, I awoke to the unsettling sound of an alarm. My initial thought was fire. However, after analyzing the situation, I realized that it was only my alarm clock. I turned off the alarm clock, and got out of bed. Then my brother walked in my room and hit me in the face with a toaster.

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What's worse than a dead baby falling out of a tree? Two dead babies stapled together falling out of a tree.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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