Roses are red Violets are blue, I am sorry... But you have terminal cancer and are probably going to die in about 3 months

thumb_up thumb_down +27

I've got a shotgun with two bullets. I've got two enemies. What do I do with the gun? I go bird hunting. Kelvin Yang

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Yo momma so fat when god said let there be light he said get the fuck out the way!

thumb_up thumb_down +27

In Soviet Russia, you have no rights!

thumb_up thumb_down +27

Religion.

thumb_up thumb_down +27

the little pink lady joke: There once was a little pink lady who lived in a little pink house. One day, she was in her little pink bed when her little pink doorbell rang. So she gets out of her little pink bed, puts on her little pink slippers, crosses her little pink room, openes her little pink door, goes down her little pink hallway, goes down her little pink stairs, and to her little pink door. She openes her little pink door, and there is a postman standing on her little pink mat. The postman says: "Does Mr Green live here?" The little pink lady said: "No." So she closes her little pink door, goes back up her little pink staircase, down her little pink corridor, into her little pink room, takes off her little pink slippers and hops into her little pink bed. Then her little pink doorbell rings again. So she gets out of her little pink bed, puts on her little pink slippers, crosses her little pink room, openes her little pink door, goes down her little pink hallway, goes down her little pink stairs, and to her little pink door. She openes her little pink door, and there is a postman standing on her little pink mat. The postman says: "Does Mr White live here?" The little pink lady said: "No." So she closes her little pink door, goes back up her little pink staircase, down her little pink corridor, into her little pink room, takes off her little pink slippers and hops into her little pink bed. And then her little pink doorbell rings again. So she gets out of her little pink bed, puts on her little pink slippers, crosses her little pink room, openes her little pink door, goes down her little pink hallway, goes down her little pink stairs, and to her little pink door. She openes her little pink door, and there is a postman standing on her little pink mat. The postman says: "Does Mr Brown live here?" The little pink lady said: "No." So she closes her little pink door, goes back up her little pink staircase, down her little pink corridor, into her little pink room, takes off her little pink slippers and hops into her little pink bed. Finally, its breakfast time, so the little pink lady gets out of her little pink bed, puts on her little pink slippers, goes out of her little pink room and to her little pink kitchen. Inside, there are 3 men. 2 are eating cheerios, 1 is eating an apple. This proves that cheerios are more popular than apples!

thumb_up thumb_down +25

You make me believe in myself, after all, it takes one to know one, I just wonder what I am, what are you?

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Why did the kid drop his ice cream? He was hit by a bus

thumb_up thumb_down +25

I once saw a picture of a man who was bloodily murdered with his testicles replacing his eyes. then i had a nightmare, that was completely unrelated

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Violence is never the answer, its the question... The answer is YES!

thumb_up thumb_down +25

A girl walks out of a bar then gets raped.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

There's a car about to hit me.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

What did one tube of glue say to the other tube of glue? Nothing. Inanimate objects, such as a tube of glue, however adhesive the contents of said objects are, are in no way capable of advanced speech, let alone basic communication.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

If a man shouts in a forest and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong? He could be, he could not be. It really depends on what he says. The greater concern is that he's shouting alone in the forest. Either he's in trouble or he has a major psychology disorder.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

A man had a blue hat, a yellow hat and a red hat. This man has three hats.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What's blue and says "Good morning" A blue sign that says good morning

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Roses are red, Violets are blue. Get in the van.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Two twins are born only a minute apart. There is a mistake at the hospital and they are seperated. Years later they reconnect on Oprah and realize they do not have much in common.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Why do black people eat at KFC? Because KFC serves good food at reasonable prices.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What's brown and ryhmes with snoop? Dr. Dre

thumb_up thumb_down +23

If life throws you melons, either catch them or get out of he way to avoid injury.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

A father walks in on his kid masturbating to pictures of horses and promptly divorces his wife.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What did the fat man with scissors do? Cut off the foreskin of your penis.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What does an emu an a kiwi have in common? Both are flightless birds endemic to there own countries.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops