why couldnt the kid get off the couch when his mom asked him to? he was paralyzed

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A muslim and a jew meet each other in a dark ally...... they give each other strange looks because they are both in a dark ally.

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Three black men were walking...

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So it was 1945, and these two blonds walk into a bar......I forget the rest of the joke, but Japan ended up getting nuked

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Why did Princess Diana die? Because she deserved it!

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It's like they always say, you get what you pay for. Unless your a woman, then you get what other men pay for.

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your mothers so silly she saw a rock and sat on a chair.......?

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OR SOMETHING! VOLUME ONE SPECIAL ALPHA MAN EDITION: What do you do if you are in the jungle, and surrounded by a tiger, and a jaguar and have only one bullet left in the rifle? You shoot the damn jaguar in its tire, and RIDE THE GODDAMN TIGER BACK HOME! MORAL MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN! THE FRIENDLY NEIGHBORHOOD R*PIST!(Yes I also wrote the original kay?)

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What is the oppisite of water? Dry!

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your girlfriend is so dumb she is clinically retareded

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What's dumber than a black guy that can't read? Two black guys that can't run with TVs.

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What did Helen Keller name her dog? ghuieruioytidhfdvbshdkhfjh

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Why did the plane crash? because the pilot was a tomato

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Knock Knock Who's There Your doctor... You have Aids

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Why did blink-182 get a record deal? Because they play quality punk rock.

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two pigs in a bath one says to the other can you pass me the soap..the other replies..do I look like a typewriter!?

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A man with tourettes walks into a bar, due to his disease he shouts unexpected profanities across the room; everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the pressure anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom and pulls out a gun and points it at his head. HIs wife of 15 years walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to conceive. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man diagnosed with touretts then goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. After he killed everybody he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentanced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man with touretts still cannot control his ticks and rots in jail everyday screaming obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

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How do you kill a blue elephant? With a blue elephant gun. How do you kill a red elephant? Spray paint it blue then shoot it with a blue elephant gun

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Why was the boy kissing up to his parents? He only wanted them to say "I love you" for once.

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Jeremy has 8 apples. Susie has 3. how much does Jason have? Purple because aliens don't like grapes.

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What do you call a Muslim flying a plane? A pilot.

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Why did a vampire climb Mount Everest in the middle of the night on his birthday in September?

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What's worse than getting rejected by your date? Finding out she gave you a social disease. Namely AIDS.

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish? One is a human profession, and the other is a type of fish.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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