Roses are red, violets are blue i've got a gun, pointing at you

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An Irishman, an Englishman and a Scott land on an island. They were on vacation and returned to the UK, which consists of two isles.

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An Englishman an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar. The barman notices this rather humorous cliche and proceeds to point it out, laughs are shared by all.

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Can a nine iron? No, but a tucan.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To be eaten.

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Why did the fat chick have a camel toe? She was half camel

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Whats worse than finding a worm in an apple? Getting shot in the gut What's worse than that? Getting raped in the hole made by the bullet

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- knock knock. - Who's There? - Steve. - Steve who? - Fitzsimmons. We met at your wife's work party.

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Dislike this.

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Why didn't Rosa Parks get her fat black ass up? Because she was an avid partier and had anal with roughly 8 different guys the night before.

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Hey, Max!!

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Why did the burglar get arrested? For beating an egg

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i once thought i could do crytal meth but then i thought naw better not

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A man with his masters degree, has a great job, and gets good money. Has a wife and kids. He is very successful.

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what happens when chuck norris does a push up. he pushes himself up

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Anti-Jokes are the bomb .org

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How do you stop an alcoholic from drinking ? You leave him in the desert for 4 days, eventually he'll die from dehydration .

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A man walks in on his wife blowing Bubbles. Two weeks later they are divorced.

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JOHN to MARY: Roses are red Violets are blue Sugar is sweet So are you MARY to JOHN: Roses are red Violets are blue Who are you? JOHN to MARY: Roses are red I'm your husband MARY to JOHN: No! JOHN to MARY: WHAT??? MARY to JOHN: Ex Awkward silence. Mary moves out the next day.

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While walking along the beach, a man stubs his toe on a half buried lamp. He picks it up, dusts it off, and a enormous Genie appears in front of him. "You have released me from my 10,000 year imprisonment. I will grant you 3 wishes to repay you." says the Genie. The man quickly uses his 1st wish for wealth and the 2nd for the love of a beautiful woman. Unable to think of a 3rd wish and seeing the sunken look on the Genie's face, he wished for the Genie's freedom. The Genie uses his unrestrained powers to kill the man, resurrect Hitler and enslave the human race.

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How do u know that your obese ? People stare at you

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a black guy a chinese guy a jewish guy and a gay guy are standing on a ledge. they are all ready to jump off and commit suicide. suddenly a basketball falls from the sky. the black guy is like oh shit that my bball. he cant resist, he jumps off the ledge, grabs the ball, spins in mid air, and shoots it through the window that they came out of. then he falls to his death. the other three guys are questioning whether they wanna actually kill themselves when all of a sudden a jiggly dildo flies past. the gay guy sees it, and he needs it in his butthole. he jumps off, grabs the dildo, shoves it in his ass, and falls to his death. the chinese and the jew are the last alive. they decide that they dont want to die and they start crawling back towards the window. then out of nowhere, two quarters and a nickel shoot up from the ground, right in front of them. the jew needs them. he jumps off the ledge and pockets the change. then he falls to his death. the chinese guy is the last one alive. he jumps off and falls to his death.

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You know what's funny? Lot's of things.

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Hey, you are competitive, but let me have the last word here and you will like it. If you keep poking your nose constantly, the effect will actually overlap, making it stronger and stronger, by all means though, make sure you keep some nose working alright?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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