A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as this could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

A guy walks into a bar what does he say? OW.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

If Justin Bieber and Rebecca Black had a baby, would it be a boy or a girl? It's a fifty-fifty shot.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

What dies but was never living? The hopes and dreams of small children.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Whats Black and White and Red all over ? A Zebra laying in a pool of its own blood.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

What do you call a bus filled with White, Chinese, and Black people? Public transportation.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Women's Rights.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Knock knock. Racism.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

What do you get if you cross a Kangaroo and a Sheep? They are too entirely different species and cannot be crossbred.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Roses are red, Violets are blue. I have Alzheimer's, Who are you?

thumb_up thumb_down +25

A baby seal walks into a club.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

When is a Jew the sleepiest? Depends on the time really... some people sleep and wake up on different biological calendars.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

What did the farmer say when he couldn't find his tractor? Where's my tractor?

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Kid- "Where do babies come from?" Mom- *Commits Suicide*

thumb_up thumb_down +25

Why did the girl fall She didn't she was eaten by a bear

thumb_up thumb_down +25

What do you say if you see your TV floating in the middle of the night? Wow, I need to lighten up on the acid.

thumb_up thumb_down +25

A man walks into a bar and the bartender says "What'll it be?" The man quietly gazes out at the other people in the bar. He continues to do this for a while, until eventually the bartender calmly taps him on the shoulder to get his attention, and the man turns to look over at him. "What can I get you today?" He asks the man. "What?" the man replies. Turns out he's deaf. Who knew?

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Do dead Elves know it's Xmas ?

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Where did Susie go during the bombing? Everywhere

thumb_up thumb_down +23

If she is under the age of 18 years old and is identified by your state as a minor, shes too young for you bro.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

whats the difference between a bird and a turtle? they can both fly but the turtle cant

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What do you get when you have 10 kids in a church? A lot of rape cases.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What is orange and smells like a jewish cat. Nothing

thumb_up thumb_down +23

A boy wakes up in the morning and says i"'m feeling kind of fishy today," the boy's dad walks in and relpies "that's because you are a fish."

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops