There once was a man from Madrass Whose balls were made out of brass This was incredibly uncomfortable and embarrassing for him. It also affected his sexual potency and rendered him infertile, Which drastically affected his ability to enter and sustain relationships with women.

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So a chef, a soldier, and a lawyer are riding in a plane. The pilot has a heart attack and they all die.

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The original joke: "WATCH OUT FOR THAT HOLE!" "WHAT HOLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" The anti joke, aka realistic edition: "WATCH OUT FOR THAT HOLE!" "WHAT YAAAAAAAAAAAARGHHHHHHHHH!" The ballon edition: Original: "Balloon! Watch out for that Cactus!" "What Cactussssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss..." (leaking air you slowmo) The anti-joke aka realistic version: "Balloon watch out for that pointy soda!" "What soda *pop*" Moral: None of these where the least realistic!

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A man walks into a bar, he now has a mild concussion

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Roses Are Red, Violets Are Blue, I Love Chocolate, More Than I Love You

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Why did the fish swim away from the boat when the fishermen put him back in the water? Because he obviously wasn't gonna get back in the boat.

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Yo mamas so tan she might get skin cancer

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you know what is so funny?! jokes..................................

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Yo' Momma is so fat she weighs a lot!

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That's what SHE said!

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Why do Vampires Sparkle in the Sunlight? They don't read a proper Vampire Novel and see for yourself.

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who holds the world record for longest amount of time on fire? Jim Rome

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Whats funnier than the Holocaust? Nothing.

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hey

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How many Jews does it take to fix a light bulb? Four, one to take the light bulb out, one to put a new in, one to hold the ladder, and one to hold the guy holding the ladder

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Whats worse than a baby crying on a plane. 9/11

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Funny names Alec Balls Isaac Balls Dick Hedd Willy lickerr Lydia Stick Gaylord Sugar Fanny Gouger

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Sure, I like all kinds of Juice. -Apple Jews -Grape Jews -Orange Jews The list goes on,,,

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Why can't George Washington drive? Because he died!

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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What's the difference between your cat and mine? Yours has legs.

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what goes up and down , and left and right all day without breaking a sweat? A compass, get your mind out of the gudder.

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Spotto

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A man stepped on a nail. He died shortly after of lockjaw.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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