How do you wake up your snoring friend? Cut his feet off.

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Why did Billy want cancer? So he could be like his parents.

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What is grey and smells like sand? A Rock.

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Q: What do you call a hobo asking for change? A: Get off my driveway!

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why are they called the melbourne storms? Because you turn 360 degrees and walk away

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A seal walks into a club.

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Why is 6 afraid of 7? 7 has been charged on 3 accounts of 2nd degrees murder and 6 fears for his life.

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What do you call a black hitch-hiker? Stranded

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Why did the Jew pick up the penny? Because he dropped it

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What's yellow and if it gets in your eye, you'll die? a yellow train.

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Keep up the fun Nero!

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Why didn't the lactose intolerant man get a drink at the bar? He was the designated driver.

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Your everything I've ever dreamed of you sing like a bird your gorgeous your funny your friendly your sensitive your caring your unique and one day I will kill you.

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Why did the cat eat the cupcake? Cause he was hungry.

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q

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A woman is walking down the street. A midget approaches her and with his keen sense of smell, informs the tall woman of her delicious scent and says, "Ma'am your hair smells lovely, may I please take a closer sniff?" Then woman obliges and the midget is arrested for alleged rape, or as he put it, trying to sniff her vagina.

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An Octopus walks into a bar and sees that there are multiple people with instruments. The man with the Guitar says "I bet you cant play the Guitar better than Led Zeplin?" So the Octopus plays and he is better than Led Zeplin. Then the man with the Piano says "I bet you can't play the piano better than Elton John?" So the Octopus Plays it better than Elton John. The Last man from Scotland says " i bet you can't plat the bagpipes better than me?" So... The Octopus is playing around with the Bagpipes and they say to him "Hurry Up!" and the Octopus says "Shut up, I'm trying to have sex with it but first I need to get it's pajamas off" (Bagpipes have 8 long things you blow into and they have a pattern that looks like a pajama pattern) hahaha

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knock knock who's there police

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There's a pair of siamese twins.....One of them's gay.

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On Friday the 13th,I had one of those dreams of when you go to school in your underwear. I then realised it wasn't a dream.

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Q: What's worse than being forced to eat your veggies? A: Being forced to kill your parents with a carrot.

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I like pom

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What did the baby with Downs syndrome say to the baby with cancer? Nothing, baby's can't talk

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The Cubs are going to win the world series this year

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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