I smacked my crotch with the back end of a hammer. I got a free vasectomy.

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what does a pickle and a computer have in common? ... they both have a mouse.

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SINCE YOU ARE OBVIOUSLY READING THIS, IT WILL GET THE MOST LIKES!!!!!

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Halo < COD

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What do you call a tall midget? Well tall is a relative term so a midget may be considered tall compared to something or someone shorter. Say if a midget was compared to a baby he/she would be considered tall, considering the baby's small height. However midgets are looked at short by most people who are taller than them because of their physical problem that they can do nothing about.

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Why was little billy sad? He had a crouton stuck up his asshole.

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What did you say? I don't know.

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A) Knock Knock. B) Who's There? A) Me. B) Oh, well I'm in the shower, just give me five minutes. A) OK, I'll wait in the kitchen, is it cool if I heat up a hot pocket? B) Yeah sure, just not the pepperoni one, I only have one left and I was saving it for lunch. A) Alright.

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A man walks into a bar. The bar is closed and the man is a thief. The police are promptly called in fear that the situation may become increasingly dangerous.

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Are you from Tennessee? Because I can tell by your accent.

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how do you save a black guy from drowning. with a life preserver.

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this sentence will not monkey banana pie

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what's the difference between ya mum and a cow? nothing. by mad james

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What did the baby say to its mother after breastfeeding? Nothing

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Why did Jerry Sandusky go to the shower room? He hadn't showered all week and was beginning to smell.

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If there are 3 apples, and Johnny takes away 3 of them, how many apples does Johnny have? None, because Johnny got hit by a train.

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What did the squirrel say to the owl? Nothing, because owls and squirrels don't talk, but the owl ate the squirrel because it's a bird of prey.

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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what happened to the autistic child that traveled to antarctica? he died.

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:O + :P = 69

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Q: What do you call a dog with no legs? A: Doesn't matter, he's not coming

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A black man walks into a bar with a parot on his shoulder. The bartender says "Hey you can't bring that in here!" The Parot replies "Sorry i'll have him wait outside."

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Why did the addict choke himself with a trash bag? His family couldn't afford a funeral and it was the quickest way to disappear.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because the other birds had taken hostage the chickens family.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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