Roses are Red Violets are Blue Im Really Stoned And you have met with a terrible fate haven't you?

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What happened when the man stuck his hand in the blender? Nothing, it was turned off.

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How do you make a baby cry? You throw a brick at it's face.

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Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then the man said "he has a pulse". The operator then calmly stated "we are sending a helicopter to air lift him out of there as we speak". The man got helicoptered to the nearest ER, and the doctors did their best to save him. He ended up having to go on life support for three years until his family members finally decided to pull the plug. The medical insurance didn't cover life support and the family went broke because of it.

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How do you blindfold and Asian? By using a sturdy bandanna, cloth, any other object to avert ones view.

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100% of smokers die 100% of people die I am tied to a tree

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Q. How do you kill a fish A. You don't have to BP already did

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Why could the girl climb out of the pool? She drowned

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Q: I have 2 dogs. Why? A: I like dogs

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How many dead babies does it take to paint a house red. Babies, especially dead ones cannot paint.

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What's the same between a plum and a rabbit? They are both purple, except for the rabbit.

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What do you call a black man who is poor, homeless, and HIV positive? Unlucky.

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What did Tim play with his friends? Nothing. He has no friends.

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myspace

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? The Holocaust.

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I hate when Harry Potter showers in my Potatoes....

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Why do you always loose your keys at monster truck rally's? Most likely because they fell out during all the excitement of jumping up and down, but the real reason is because they are afraid of monster cars.

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What kind of blue is not heavy? Light blue.

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Miranda Lorenz is a WHORE!!! She has slept with three guys while in a relationship!! then when he broke up with her for cheating on him, she keyed his car!! Psycho Bitch!!!

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Two generals went for a trip, it went very well in general.

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knock knock zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz knock knock zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz knock kock ding dong ding di-ding dong zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz sigh weeeeeeeeeewooooooooooooooooo zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz hey yo wake up zzz-oh-huh-what-whos there i've been yelling for like five minutes oh sorry jim will you let me in already all right

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Whats worse than being arrested for a crime you didn't commit? Teenage pregnancy.

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What do you call a man who has committed more than 10 crimes? Whatever his name happens to be.

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Can Helen Keller keep a secret? No, she didn't hear it in the first place

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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