How do you make a plumber cry? You kill his family.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

What did the cancer patient do during Willow Smith's "Whip My Hair"? -Nothing.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

How do you wake up your snoring friend? Cut his feet off.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Why did a guy with schizophrenia does it take to walks into a bar.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

A blond, a brunette, and a red-head are standing on the edge of a cliff. They then realize how dangerous that is and proceed to back away and view the canyon at a safe distance.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

buttcrack thumbs up

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Chuck Norris can bench 210 pounds.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Knock Knock. Who's there? Nancy Nancy who? Nancy.

thumb_up thumb_down +23

A girl asks a guy "How come you don't take me dancing anymore?" The guy said "Because we were both killed in a car accident."

thumb_up thumb_down +23

A Tatooine moisture farmer, an old man, an astromech droid, and a potocol droid walk into a cantina at Mos Eisley Space Port. The bartender says, "Hey, we don't serve their kind here! Your droids will have to wait outside." The moisture farmer then says to his droids, "Why don't you wait out by the speeder, we don't want any trouble." The protocol droid replies, "I heartily agree, sir."

thumb_up thumb_down +23

Why did sally fall off the wings? She had no arms Knock knock Who's there NOT SALLY HAHAHAHA LOVE YOU JK

thumb_up thumb_down +21

A man walks into a bar and says, "Ow."

thumb_up thumb_down +21

How did the semen cross the road I put on the wrong sock this morning

thumb_up thumb_down +21

The police, we have several warrants for your arrest.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Your mom is SO ugly, I entered her in an ugly contest, and she came in fourth place!

thumb_up thumb_down +21

your joke is so unoriginal. i had heard the joke before.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

BOOBIES!!!!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What did God say to Noah? "Hi."

thumb_up thumb_down +19

roses are red violets are blue i have deep vein thrombosis .... perpendicular albatross

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Why did the man float in the lake? Because he had more fat than average, so he was very buoyant

thumb_up thumb_down +19

A jew go out of a bar

thumb_up thumb_down +19

The grass is always greener on the give me a blowjob.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

How do you put an elephant in a fridge? Open the door and put it in. How to you put a giraffe in a fridge? Open the door, take out the elephant and put in the giraffe. Simba hosts an animal convention and all the animals attend except which? The giraffe. There is an alligator infested lake. How do you cross? Swim across. All the alligator are at the convention.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Contrary to popular statement, "When life hands you lemons, make lemonade," you technically can't do this because of the need for water and sugar to make lemonade. Secondly, life can't technically hand you lemons because life isn't a physical thing that can hand you lemons. So really, you don't even have to worry about the second two ingredients.

thumb_up thumb_down +19

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops