Why didn't the Alzheimers patient put on her shoes? She didn't leave the elderly home that day, thus taking away the need to put on shoes.

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A blond walks into a hair dresser's wearing a pair of headphones. The hair dresser tells the blond to take the headphones off so she can cut the blond's hair. The blond says that if they take off the headphones, then they'll die. The hair dresser works around the headphones, but finally needs to cut underneath the headphones. The hair dresser forces the blond to take the headphones off and nothing happened.

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Why was the road crossed by the chicken? Because as an animal, incapable of understanding human languages and consequently lacking in education, it was unable to understand the convention of not using the passive voice in English prose writing.

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Why did Helen Keller's dog run away? You'd run away too if someone left the gate open and you happened to be a dog.

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Guy gets new car. TRANFORMER!

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My mother always said that jumping in piles of leaves was fun. That was before she died of pancreatic cancer.

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Yo momma, she so fat, she needs to buy extra-large clothes.

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why couldnt the boy get into the pirate movie? he was hit by a mexican telephone server.

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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Why the long face?" After hearing this common expression, the horse looks up at the bartender. With this look, the bartender realizes that he has been speaking to I'll Have Another. Aware his faux pas, the bartender apologizes and pours him a free drink. The free drink does little for I'll Have Another's crushed dreams.

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What came first the chicken or the egg? Neither, chickens have been extinct since 1987.

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why is 6 afraid of 7? i don't know, ask 6

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Have you heard of the lawnmower joke? No neither have I

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What's worse than watching the Hunger Games? Playing the Hunger Games

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How many dead babies does it take to paint a house? Depends on how hard you throw them.

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What do you call a fucking idiotic douchebag with ebola? An ebloa paitent

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You know what's real bullshit? That stuff that comes out of a bull's ass.

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why can't timmy tie his shoes? Because timmy's an earth-worm

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Three men walk into a bar they suffer permanent brain damage, and completely lose their basic cognitive abilities. They will never be able to speak to one another again.

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How do you find the richest person in Mexico? You get the census of income per citizen and see who is at the top.

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What is up, the color blue and has a face? the sky. there is no face.

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What gets louder as it gets smaller? A man in a trash compactor.

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Why did the balck man sit at the back of the bus? Because all the other seats were taken.

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Everytime God shuts a door, he opens a window... ...But I am the Goddamn locksmith!

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What did Ed Gein get at McDonalds? The corpse of a worker he killed by the dumpster and hauled back to his shack to hang up and gut like a deer.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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