whats the difference between a grape and an elephant? the grape is purple

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two guys r talking and the one said *i swear to god* and the other one said *u swear what to god what the hell r u talking about i dont even know u*

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Q: What did the architect say after he tripped? A: My mother died of cancer when I was 6.

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What did the fork say to the spoon? I have tongs and you don't. Ha.

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Do you like fishsticks? Ya, me too.

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How often does the lesbian vampire group meet up? Never. Lesbians don't exist.

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What grows best during the cold Winter season? The number of deaths among homeless people.

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what would george washington do if he was alive today? he would scream and scratch his coffiin

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Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven was black.

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Why was lil' Susie screaming horrifically? Nobody knows. That's why the neighbors called the cops. -Harrison

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Why did the little boy ride his bike to school? It was a birthday present.

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A blonde, a redhead and a brunette were on an island. There were loads of other people too - the UK is a pretty popular place to live.

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Why was the girl-scout crying? I hit her in the knee with a baseball bat.

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why did amelia earhart get lost? because she was a woman

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Why wasn't the tractor moving? Because the farmer was killed in a drive-by shooting.

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What kind of ship never sinks? Not the Titanic.

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why did the squrill leave his home an ax-man cut it down

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What did one alien say to another alien? I miss Mexico.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because he was dead

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How do you put an elephant in a taxi? You open the door, make sure the elephant is seated confortably, and close the door.

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An astronaut and a cosmonaut are sitting in a bar, discussing who was better. The cosmonaut says, "We Russians were the first people in space!" The astronaut says, "That may be true, but we were the first to land on the moon my friend." The cosmonaut turns back to the astronaut and says, "Yes, but we shall be then first to ever land on the Sun!" So, the astronaut skeptically asks, "And how do you intend to do that?" The cosmonaut replies, "Simple.......we will go at night." Thank you to David Cross

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Knock-knock Who's there? Orange Orange who? Knock-knock Who's there? Orange Orange who? Knock-knock Who's there? Banana Banana who? Banana you glad I didn't say banana?

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? 7 commited statutory rape on a younger 5, gang banged 8 with 10 and 11, murdered 9, and was sentenced to jail for life.... eventually the case was dropped and 7 was let out early for community service. He told 6 he was coming for him 6 months later.... 6 was so terrified he didn't know what to do... he was living in fear... eventually he commited suicide by jumping off a cliff just off the coach of Palm Beach into the pacific ocean. His body was never found His family didnt get to say good bye... This is why 6 was afraid of 7

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What did the farmer say when his cow got stuck in a tree? - "Get down"

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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