Today, I was thirsty so I got in my kitchen and took a bottle of juice out of my refrigirator, I realised the bottle was empty, so I immediatly took a walk to the store and bought another bottle.

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What do you call a big group of Chinese people on Mars? An extraordinary feat for the Chinese space program and a historic day in human history, where a particular country has set up the first human colony on another planet and we have proven to ourselves that our race is capable of interplanetary travel and can accomplish anything if we set our minds to it.

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why couldn't jimmy play on the swings at recess.. Because he's been dead for 5 years

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FRED CLEAN YOUR ROOM! Ok mom, I'm done "Nothing is cleaned" Well.. I tried

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Why did the pig cross the yard? Because the helicopter was chasing him.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To distract everyone from the Mexican.

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I'd like to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather did. Not screaming in terror like the rest of te people in his car.

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Why dont you greet your friend Jack on a plane? because you will say "hi Jack"

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Did you hear about the boy with the treehouse? He caught his mom cheating on his dad in there.

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A man walks into a bar.. and has a bomb strapped to his chest

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If pro is the opposite of con, what is the opposite of progress? Deteriorate

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why did u put your iphone in the blender?!?!? because i wanted to make apple juice..

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what did the homeless man get for christmas hyperthermia

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I was watching Fox news.

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Why did the blond girl walk into the street pole? Because she wasn't paying attention.

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XD Okay then, just a little and I am not very fond of it, I mean I tried something called tekken but that just made me nauseus. Then I got into some car racing game years ago, RidgeRacer I think, but when I moved the car to the sides, I kinda involuntarily tilted to the sides, and ended up smacking on the ground a couple of times.

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What do you call a black man driving a expensive sports car? A respectable member of society

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it's weird how Jesus came out of the cave on the same day as Easter

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Q: Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? A: Getting mauled by a pack of hungry wolves

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How do you make a plumber cry? You kill his kids.

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A man dies on the operating table and finds himself in front of the Pearly Gates. St Peter looks at him and says " You are having a hallucination due to all the drugs they have given you and because your brain releases chemicals when you die. I am not real and there is not heaven or a god." Upon resuscitation the man contemplates his hallucination and becomes an Atheist.

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How much does a polar bear weigh? about 900 pounds

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The duck didn't cross the road.

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A man approaches an attractive young woman at a party. He asks her if a rag smells like chloroform and proceeds to hold the rag up to her face. She passes out, the man takes her into a nearby bedroom and rapes her. He casually leaves the party. He will most likely continue this vile act for years to come.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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