Patient: Doctor, doctor! I feel like a pair of curtains! Doctor: That's because you are. Patient: Wow, I need to lay off the mushrooms.

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How many turrets patients does it take to screw in a light bulb? Cocksucker!!

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why did suzy get hit by the bus because she got dumped into the road and she had no legs

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Q: Why is little Timmy living without his parents? A: He is ninety seven years old!

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What did the worm a fisherman used to catch fish called when the worm killed a trout? Master Bate.

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im typing this without looking at the jetviard. I can;t toycg type thar wekk yet

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what did the captcha response say to the man? ofdorno which.

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What do you call a dog with 2 legs? Doesn't matter, it's not going to come anyways.

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Why did the blonde turn down prostitution? She knows it is illegal and has better moral values than that.

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WHY DID THE MAN FART HE WAS A FARTY PANTS AND WE CAN CHAT HERE ON THIS WEB GO TO ANTI JOKE SEE ME I WILL GIVE U JOKES

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Q:Why did the kid drop his ice cream A:He was hit by a car

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what did the carrot say to the rabbit? stop eating me you son of a B*****

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Why was the young child dead in the middle of the road? His mother wasn't there to prevent him from chasing the ball across the road, and therefore, he ran in front of a truck

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Why do people like vacations? To get out of your family

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Your mamas so poor she cant even afford to support a family

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What do you call a black man on a bicycle? A cyclist.

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What happened when Tim's house caught on fire? The fire department was contacted and they put the fire out.

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What's red white, blue and hilarious? Glasgow Rangers in administration!

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The closest I've been to an animal charity was when I walked past it to by myself a fur coat

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what happens when a hamster bites your arm? your arm bleeds

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How can you tell the difference between Brooke Colbert or any other girl Jesse has been with? It's easy, Brooke the only one Jesses ever been with. They even share the same bra size.

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Your mother is of a healthy weight and a pleasure to be around.

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Why did Suzie fall of the swing? The chain broke.

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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