What's the quickest way to a man's heart? A knife.

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Q: Whats black and green and goes 100 mph? A: A black and white car going 100 mph.

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What's 2+2? Gonorrhea

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Whats worse than getting raped by jack the ripper? Getting fingered by captain hook.

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What's worse than finding 7 dead babies in a bin? Finding one is missing.

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Why did the man jump off a cliff? Because he was committing suicide.

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I have a red ferrari and 20 dead babies in my garage. Didn't I have a blue ferrari?

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An astronaut and a cosmonaut are sitting in a bar, discussing who was better. The cosmonaut says, "We Russians were the first people in space!" The astronaut says, "That may be true, but we were the first to land on the moon my friend." The cosmonaut turns back to the astronaut and says, "Yes, but we shall be then first to ever land on the Sun!" So, the astronaut skeptically asks, "And how do you intend to do that?" The cosmonaut replies, "Simple.......we will go at night." Thank you to David Cross

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A handless Asian boy was riding his bike through the park with some friends. One of his friends puts his arms in the air and yells "Look! No hands!" The handless boy rides his bike home, crying and thinking about how one day he would like to say, "Look! No hands!" without people getting nauseous.

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I went to school. Then I came home.

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Timmy needed to use the restroom in class, so he raised his hand and asked, "Can I go use the restroom?". The teacher said " I don't know, CAN you?" Timmy said, "When I was using "can" I was using its secondary model form as a verbal modifier asking for permission, as opposed to expressing an ability. I thought since you were a teacher you'd know that. My bad. MAY I use the restroom?"

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Why did the blonde get fired from the m&m factory? She made skittles.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead.

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Ever heard of carpel tunnel? Well after that girl it was more like carpal toungal

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Why did the girl fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.

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What do Richard and Judy have in common? Nothing.

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What's yellow, long, hard, and moves up and down? A banana in an elevator...

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why was 7 afraid of 6?that is impossible it is older than six and stronger than its mother

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Two clarinets were locked in a case for 20 years. They both play well.

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A old man walks into a hospital He doesn't come back out

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A. What is the difference between a pizza and a Jew: B. Pizza's don't scream when you put them into a oven.

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What do you call a gay man? Homosexual

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A shark walks into a bar. The bartender asks someone to call animal control to remove the nearly-dead sea creature from his bar.

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What fruit is used to make apple juice? Apples

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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