Today, my house burned to the ground. FML.

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There are two cowboys in the kitchen. One says to the other, "I feel at 'home on the range.'" To which the other replies, "Is that because of your extensive culinary background?" The first cowboy breaks down in tears because he realizes he's not pursuing what he truly loves.

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A duck flies into a bar. The bartender allows it to stay because it turns into a beautiful swan. The goose then lays a golden egg and the bartender stares in awe as a giant bean stalk grows out of the egg. He's ecstatic and really glad he let the flamingo stay with all the wonderful colors and magic going on.

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Continents are large islands.

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What starts with P and ends with "oop" POOP

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What happened when the little girl said Bloody Mary 3 times in the dark? - She got her head smashed in the mirror, all of her intestines were neatly ripped out and was stabbed to death with No.2 mechanical pencils. Then her parents came home from dinner to find their daughter brutally killed in her own room. They notified police, opened a case and gave up after 12 years of searching for her killer. Both parents cried for the amount of years their daughter had been gone and they both decided to kill each other. The father raped the mom while slitting the back of her neck that led to her head being detached. Then the father left his pick up truck running and through his head toward the engine, which didn't really work. So he went back inside and watched Three and A Half Men.

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What's black and white and nailed to the floor? A skunk that's nailed to the floor.

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What's green and fuzzy, has 4 legs, and if it falls from a tree it'll kill you? A pool table.

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i have a christmas tree.

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Why couldn't the prostitute give a proper blow job..... She had no lips

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Why did the rabbit cross the road? He was attempting vehicular suicide after being told yet again that he was "silly" and "Trix are for kids."

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What do you do when your condom breaks during sexual intercourse? Get AIDS.

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Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 raped 9.

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I have suicidal thoughts

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Why couldnt the girl braid her hair? She had cancer

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So I'm balls deep in this 9 year old...

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What is the difference between a seal and an armadillo? They are both aquatic animals, except for the armadillo.

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What is the difference between a park bench and a Mexican? The park bench can actually suport a family A. Woj

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How do you make a baby understand what you want? You color yourself purple, wear a yellow shirt, and do cart wheels while singing "The wheels on the bus go 'round and 'round!"

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You're American when you enter the the bathroom and you're American when you exit the bathroom. What are you while you're inside the bathroom? Using the bathroom.

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Roses are gray Vilots are gray im a dog

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What's red and smells like blue paint? red paint

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Roses are red Violets are blue Your dog pooped on my lawn Now my violets are even more blue

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How did the girl get rid of a fever? She took medicine.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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