"So can we take the rest of the schoolday off?" the students asked. The teacher then asked: "Why?" The students explained: "Because some of us live far away and it's impossible to get through the masses of snow, especially if the snowfall continues like this." "Well, I can't give you time off, because the principal haven't said it has snowed enough just yet." he responded.

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Yeah, "master hypnotists" (and do not even get me started on hypnotherapists, they completely suck!) keep claiming that you need to keep up to date with the "constantly developing art of hypnosis" The thing is though, that hypnosis does not develop itself, people develop it further, and when the key ingredient is actually believing things under a certain state, you can do anything, even slow the passage of time to a halt. Once I tried that, I was disappointed when I figured out that it did not work, so I went shopping (for groceries), then realized that no time had passed at all, sounds like bullshit, and yeah I wont be trying that again anytime soon, lucid dreaming is good enough, you can spend hours and hours in a lucid dream state, days, and then wake up and figure out you slept like two hours or something.

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Why isn't Pluto a planet? Because it mutilated my dog

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What did Justin Bieber say when he lost his tampon? Where's my tampon?

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emma: mat has a quick reaction time

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Q: If two lesbians are in a relationship, who makes the sandwiches? A: They both do.

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Why did the blonde's parents take away her car? She didn't pay for half the insurance like she said she would.

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What did the pet lion say to its owner? Nothing. Lions do not have the ability to speak. The lion then proceeded to hunt down its owner, pin him down and rip out his insides. Besides, the likelyhood of owning a lion as a pet is very slim, and even if one did, this act would be highly illegal in most parts of the world.

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Where does a successful black person live? Neverland.

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A muslim is working quietly in his 3rd floor apartment complex bedroom. ~~~~ He's been working on high explosives for 8 months now, preparing to kill innocent people.

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What did the pineapple say to the orange? Nothing; Neither a pineapple nor an orange contains the necessary muscles to produce speech.

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what do mexicans and grass have in common You find them both in your front yard

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Q: How many different Pokèmon are there? A: Pokèmon aren't real.

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How did the Jew escape the concentration camp? He didn't he was caught and put in the gas chamber.

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roses are blue violetrs are green im shooting heroine into my head

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What goes round and knocks on windows? A paedophile.

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What do you call a man with an arrow to the knee? An ambulance because he's got a serious leg injury right there.

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how do you confuse a blonde? tap her on both shoulders

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Q: What did the pedestrian say to the bus driver that hit him? A: Nothing, he died.

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what do you do when mrs curaba gets heated through a fridge at her so she can cool down

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OR SOMETHING! VOLUME ONE SPECIAL ALPHA MAN EDITION: What do you do if you are in the jungle, and surrounded by a tiger, and a jaguar and have only one bullet left in the rifle? You shoot the damn jaguar in its tire, and RIDE THE GODDAMN TIGER BACK HOME! MORAL MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN! THE FRIENDLY NEIGHBORHOOD R*PIST!(Yes I also wrote the original kay?)

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Whats alive and drowning? your new born baby you just threw in the river

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what happened to the boy who got hit by a truck he went to the hospitel

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Getting raped by jimmy savile.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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