What Did Gretel say to Hansel? Stop having sex with Ariana Grande!

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if life give you lemons. put them in the fridge they should be there...

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a man walks into a bar and it hurts

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A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender says,"Why the long face?" The horse replies,"I have terminal cancer."

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What did the monkey say after its tail was run over by a lawnmower? It won't be long now.

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What do Kurt Cobain and a whale have in common? Both have holes in the back of their heads

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the nintendo 3ds is being released this week. its the first 3d portable gaming device that doesnt require glasses, also known as a ball...

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Knock Knock? Who's there? bob bob who? the builder

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Nathaniel Nugnes walks into a bra

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Why does Larry the Cable Guy get his own T.V. show??? Why can't I have one of my own??? .......ah...forgot....I'm a minority...

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What did your mother say after I beat her? Nothing, because she was dead.

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What did the mexican do after he finished his taco? He was eaten by a dinosaur.

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What is better than a Beer? Two Beers.

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what is red, yellow, green, blue, purple, and violet? Blood i lied about the other colors...

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There were three soap salesmen in a bar. They were comparing how good they were at selling their wares. "I'm so good that I sell 60% of my soap bars each day," says the first salesman, bragging. The second one wasn't to be outdone. "I'm so good that I sell 80% of my soap bars," he declared. The last salesmen, who, up to the moment had been relatively quiet, suddenly said in a calm and collected manner, "Oh that's nothing. I'm so good that I sell all of my soap bars each day."

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A: go away. B: No i won't A: Shutup B: Yes i will not go away A: again, shutup B: I left A: Thank you B: Your welcom A: Thank you for saying your welcome B: Thank you for saying thank you that i'm welcome A: Thank you for saying thank you for saying that I thank you that you're welcome.

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A traveling salesman stops at a farmer's house. The farmer then offers the salesman a bed with his daughter. The salesman quickly replied, "I don't want to go to bed right now. I need to know the way to Pawtucket." The farmer then gave the salesman directions and the two parted ways.

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One day, a mother was talking with her three daughters. "Mommy," the first one asked, "Why did you name me Daisy?" "Because when we took you home, a daisy petal fell on your head." "Mommy," the second one said, "Why did you name me Rose?" "Because when we took you home, a rose petal fell on your head." "MMMMBBBWWAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHH!" the third daughter cried. She was born with severe cognitive damage and is incapable of coherent speech.

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If I had a nickel for every time I heard that... I'd most likely have no money as I would spend it all on cocaine.

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This guys grandma comes to live with him. While shes there she has a stroke. He rushes her to the hospital and waits for her to come out of surgery. The doctor comes out and says "i got good news and bad news" The guy says " give me the bad news" the doctor says "your grandma has had a massive stroke and wont be able to go to the bathroom by herself or eat by herself, so you'll have to feed her baby food and change her Diaper for the rest of her life." So then the guy goes " well shit whats the good news" The doctor goes "Ahh im just kidding she died"

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Why did the blonde switch the lamp on? Because it was getting dark

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You know what they say about big shoes? Big socks. You know what they say about big socks? Big feet. You know what they say about big feet? Big hands. You know what they say about big hands? Cancer.

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why did the circus boy not do his homework? because he was in a coma.

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Why could susan not get up? Because her limbs were hacked off by a African militia group.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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