A guy walks into a bar carrying an octopus under his arm. The bartender asks him, "say, buddy, what's with the octopus?" and the man replies, "this is the most intelligent octopus in the world. In fact, I bet you $100 that it can play any instrument you give it." The bartender snickers at the other patrons, and puts $100 on the bar. He motions the man over to the piano by the wall. The man puts the octopus on the piano, but it nothing happens. The octopus is dead, because it's been out of the water for a while. The bartender looks at the man sadly, as two psychiatric orderlies from the local mental hospital take the visitor away to the looney bin, after another patron called the police. The bartender never gets his $100, and now he has to clean up the godawful mess on his piano.

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Why don't you want to shout "Hi" to your friend Jack on an airplane? Because he's deaf and will not hear you.

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A.act like u see a banner and say hey do you see that banner over there? B.no what are u talking about A.oh well there's a banner over there

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Why are women always wrong? Well, depending on the factors of IQ of said women, location and date, said time period of always can be deemed in every circumstance as incorrect to say the least, and derogatory. These days said derogatory actions are punishable by law.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was a banana.

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What's green and has wheels? Grass, I lied about the wheels.

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Do you knpow why Michael Jackson is not dead? Dumbass, he IS dead...

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What does a dog in a microwave look like? You tell me, I normally close my eyes when I jack off

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It's probably not a good idea that you're in here. You're a very large animal. Any sudden movements, you may injure somebody. I don't know why you're here. None of the glasses are ergonomically designed for you to drink from them. So, you should probably leave.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because of excess velocity.

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Whats brown and slippery? A brown slipper.

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knock knock Who's there? The Police! Your under arrest.

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I am aware that my positivity makes me do some bad mistakes, but if negativity is the alternative I will keep taking my chances.

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What did the farmer say to the survivor of the plane crash that just crashed on his land? "Need a band-aid?"

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Q: Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? A: Getting mauled by a pack of hungry wolves

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What do fat kids and whales have in common? Ruth burden

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Question what is blue and floats Answer everything that is blue that foes not sink

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What's the worst place to land when parachuting off an airplane? A. In the middle of an ocean B. In a war zone C. Inside an active volcano D. In a justin beiber concert

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What did the lawyer name his daughter? Amanda.

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What is your bill about? Clinton

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Huh, I never succeeded in any of those, and I tried a lot. Please tell me you never gone with something nasty like that...

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You know what's natural? Bears.

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why were the African, Asian and Mexican men thrown out of the bar the barman was a racist

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3 guys walked into a bar. The fourth one ducked.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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